So, I was looking through pics today and found some hidden treasures! YAY!!! It's like Christmas! (yes, I get excited about seemingly tiny things in life)
Pic below: Klo Bow with Grandpa Ken and Aunt Amanda... doin' what she does best... and that's chill. That's Grandpa's favorite thing to do too. They get along pretty well.
So, today I wanted to talk about support for mothers that have children with disabilities... shall we?
Below pic: a sleepy little Kloey Alice.
Below pic: sleeping with arms wide open... my little angel
But, I did not get that from other mothers. Luckily, my husband was always there. My mother was always there. And so many more people. I realized that other mothers were not seeming to be very REAL about what they went through. Perhaps it was guilt. Perhaps it was denial. Perhaps what I went through wasn't normal. But I believe that it was. I was preparing myself for another child. Kloey came instead. As bad as that may sound, it is the truth. Would I change this? NO. I would NOT. Because Kloey Alice Hansen is my daughter. She is a part of me. I know now that there is nothing to fear. I know now that my feelings were normal and completely justified. I know now that the bond that Kloey and I share is real, it is strong, and it is ETERNAL. I know that she was always mine. I know now that she was always the child that I was expecting... she just wasn't the child that I was ready to accept. I'm ready now. The acceptance came fairly quickly for me. I know that for some it is harder. And that is okay. The bond will come. The acceptance will come. The love is THERE! Be okay with your feelings. Let them run their course. Just don't let them invade who you are... and the love that you will ALWAYS have for your child.
I hope that this wasn't too hard for everyone. I just really needed to say it. I love my baby beyond belief. Just know that.
Below: Klo Bow after nursing... Oh, I miss that!
5 comments:
Altho you were scared at times, i never for one second doubted the amazing amount of love that you would fill her with, down or not. you are the best mommy a child could ever hope for. :) -Jordan
It's so hard to know how each Mom will react. I wanted someone to tell me life would amazing, and that I was lucky, and it was OK to love my child because everyone was acting like she was a curse. I got more of the other way. I didn't really grieve the child I had expected it was more I had to wrap my mind around me being labeled being a "special needs Mom" and that I never wanted to be. The best advice I got was from the social worker who visited us. He told my husband and I the way we deal with this shock/grief whatever is the way we go through it and not to judge each other or ourselves. We have a right to do it our own way, and I always remembered that. It helped me not to get mad at anyone with how they dealt with the news. Have you read Kelle Hamptons book Bloom? You should, she is real in how she dealt with it.
Thanks you Jessica, for sharing that with me. I think that is wonderful advice from that social worker. No, I haven't read her book. Now that is on my to do list :)
I appreciate your honesty and your realism. I'm glad you aren't like, well as soon as they told me my world was tickled pink and the skies couldn't have been bluer! Because that's NOT real! Kloey is a BIG deal. It's a lot to deal with especially without preparing yourself. I think you reacted how you should have reacted. I think you did what you needed to do to bond and be okay with Kloey's diagnosis. I NEVER, and I mean it, NEVER had a DOUBT that Kloey was put into the wrong hands. EVER. I mean that with every fiber of my being. You and Jordan AND Kourtney were MEANT to be her family. And I don't say that just to be all fluff and nice. I say it because I MEAN IT! Never was there a doubt in my mind that YOU could raise this child. Never did I think for one minute that you would not love her. I only thought of how wonderfully blessed she is to have all of you! And how blessed we are to have her! God does know exactly what we need, even when we don't know what we need. I love you guys so much!!
Wow Angie!!! I just love you and your wonderful words. Thank you so much for all of your sweetness!
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