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Who are we to say what's normal?

Aren't we all incredibly different from one another?

Don't we all look different

act different

think different....

So then, what is normal?

I don't think that anyone really knows.

Perhaps no one is normal....

And that is what makes this world so great!

I've told one person here in our ward that my new baby has down syndrome. At church this past week (my first time going for the entire time in a couple of months) everyone was just being so super sweet. I didn't really think anything of it. Then after our Young Women class got over the girls were all fawning over little miss Kloey. One of them mentioned that she could see the down syndrome in her. She peaked my curiosity. So I asked who told them that she had Downs. I was informed that the rest of the presidency told them. Shocker. I didn't tell them. Then I find out that the second counselor found out from my visiting teaching partner... whom I've NEVER met! Now, it's not like we wanted to keep this a secret. Quite the opposite. However, I just don't feel like it is someone else's business to do the telling. You know? This is mine and Jordan's child and we'll tell people when and how we like. So when I was walking down the hall after church was over I was noticing the stares and the quick looks a lot more than before. They were in no way trying to be rude but they were being. I like when people just come up and start congratulating us on our beautiful child. Or even when people come up and ask how we're doing with the diagnosis and what not. Perhaps the worst things to hear are the still's and the though's. She's STILL a baby.... well of course, did you expect something else...a martian perhaps? She's so cute THOUGH... well why wouldn't she be??? I just have to keep reminding myself that it is the natural reaction and no one is trying to be hurtful or rude. I know that. But this is precisely the reason I wasn't telling anyone yet. I wasn't ready for the label. But alas, it is what it is.

DADDY KOURTNEY KLOEY MOMMY

I don't know if we'll be adding any more names to that list. I may change my mind in the future but right now I'm getting the feeling that more names may not be necessary. After Kourtney my body hurt pretty bad... but after Kloey it's pretty much screaming at me! Yeah I don't know if I'm up for it getting worse than this. But that's okay. I love my children and the size of my family. I always said that I wanted more than one and there ya' have it.

Boy do I love my kids! Seriously, I would not change anything about them. Not one thing! Kloey's early intervention therapist was over the other day going through all of the preliminary questions and what not. The very last question was "If there was one thing that you could change about your life what would it be?". I thought and thought for about 2 minutes. And then it hit me. My life is so crazy. Sometimes I don't shower, brush my teeth, cook a good meal, do my child's hair or even get them dressed for the day. It's not that I'm too lazy to do those things it's just that I have no time. Heck as we speak my dishes are sitting there screaming at me to un-dirty-fy them. And as I thought of all of this I realized that this is my life... not just mine but Jordan's too. It's OUR life with OUR children. Why would I change anything about that? If I changed something then it would be different... I don't want it to be different. I love it just the way it is. CRAZINESS AND ALL!

Remember to SmILe

Life with two children.... ==Crazier than I ever knew that it could be!!!

For starters... my children are amazing. They have the ability to make me love everything about life. You know, that feeling of "Aaaahhhhh.... I love my beautiful, sunshiney, rose smelling, glorious, wonderful fantastical life". The feeling that makes you want to run to the top of a hill and start singing the Sound of Music. Yeah, that one.

Oooon the other hand. They have the ability to make me loathe my life. You know that feeling of "What the he*& was I thinking? I want to go back to the days when I was single, could sleep all day, and run away whenever I wanted to!" This is the feeling that makes you want to either a) Crawl into bed, throw the covers over your head and will it all away or b) call your sister, inform her that you are coming to kidnap her from what must be an equally hellish experience, run to a beach, and enjoy complete silence. Just two sisters joined together by the common insanity of motherhood with a couple of good books. Yep. That's the feeling.

Moving on. Kloey sleeps. For the first time in almost 3 days. She is not a child to just scream and cry the way she has been for the past few days. I just didn't understand it. She was constantly wanting to nurse and then immediately crying when she was done. I just didn't understand what was happening. Then her bowel movements stopped completely. Well, I'm no dummy. Breastfed babies are supposed to poop a ton. And normally she would be dirty at every diaper change. I have been trying so hard to exclusively nurse her. I thought we were doing a great job. How in the world does my milk supply just dry up?!!! This doesn't seem fair at all. So, we started giving her the pumped breastmilk from the freezer mixed with a bit of formula. VOILA!!!! She is satisfied and sleeping. This completely breaks my heart. I've been waiting and waiting for my milk to come back in. She went 15 hours without nursing because I was waiting for my body to work its magic. After 15 hours all I got out was 4 ounces. That was at 9:30 this morning. It is now 2:30 and nothing more has come in. I even changed my diet to be more milk enriching. Oh well. The most important thing is that she is fed and happy. That's what we need her to be. I suppose some sacrifices must be made. .... I cried all night long.
Kourtney.... oh Kourtney. What can I say? She definitely is an incredible big sister. When Kloey is crying she runs over to her and says, "I know baby, I know" and attempts to soothe her by shoving her binky in her mouth. Fabulous. She is always loving on her, kissing her, wanting her near. It is so sweet.

On the other hand when Mommy needs to take care of the baby it is time to act out. We are trying to potty train. The only time she has an accident is when I'm feeding the baby. Geez a lou!!! I can understand though that this is a HUGE adjustment for her. She is three and she is definitely testing limits and boundaries. It's frustrating for me but healthy for her. She talks in complete sentences now. She dances like a ballerina all over the house. Dora is her homegirl ;) She sings very well. She loves Tangled and America's Got Talent. And she looks forward to our school time at home. I love this sweet girl of mine.

One thing is for certain. Life is soo super crazy. But I know that if I remember to smile and have fun life can be more than just something that I need to get through. It can be wonderful, brilliant, and lovely. One smile can start to change your entire day, your whole outlook on things. When you want to hide under the covers and cry... just really try to take a moment... one fleeting moment.. for a smile :)