So, our story begins, almost exactly 28 years ago to the day, when I burst onto the scene (almost quite literally) and graced the world with my presence. While I'm sure my mother's womb was quite comfortable, I've never really been known for my patience. Some things don't change. My dear mother wasn't expecting me for another 6 weeks but, you know, there I was just the same!
My mother has been the one constant in my life, the one person that I have always known will forever be there for me. My mother's story could be described as: passionate, tumultuous, heartbreaking, emotional, loving, kind, sacrificial, and oh so deep. There are things that I have been told, things that I have seen, and things that I remember from my childhood that have helped me, in my adult years, to connect with my mother on a new level: a deeper level. I don't know if she even realizes that. My mother was never afraid to show us how very human she was/is. I cannot count how many times in a day she would tell me that she loves me; no child can hear that enough.
How many times did I crawl into bed with my mother during a midnight thunderstorm? Ironically enough, I now love thunderstorms because they bring a piece of my mother to me even though we are separated by so many miles. I remember scaring her half to death on several occasions while trying to wake her up in the middle of the night. She has endured endless teasing for those moments!!! And yes, I have now experienced the sheer terror of a tiny, delicate, creepy little hand grazing your arm in the middle of the night making you believe that all of your worst nightmares have been imagined and the monster under the bed has finally come to collect his dues.
How many times have I seen this woman's heart break, shattered into 3 trillion pieces and watched as she, piece by piece and bit by bit, put it back together and emerged stronger than ever. Unfortunately, I know that I have been the source of that heart breaking for various reasons, at various times. For that, I am sorry. But, you know, she's got this resilience that I just cannot even fathom. She knows that life goes on, you cry for a bit, you learn from whatever it was, you put on your big girl panties, and you move on. She's a rock.
How many times have I compared my own mothering to that of my mother's??? Do you know that woman worked a full time job, ran children around to countless extracurricular activities, did pretty much all of the laundry in the house, cleaned constantly, and still had a hot meal on the table almost every single night??? Yeah.... I don't do that. Bless her. I didn't recognize everything that she was doing back then. My bad.
As I grew older I had to separate from my mother. No easy task. Our relationship has had bumpy times in my adulthood. Trying to adjust to life as an adult and not relying on your parents for everything is so much harder than anyone ever prepared me for. I love my mother. I miss her everyday. My heart literally aches for her on a regular basis. I call her whenever I can. But I so wish that I could spend every holiday with her, that she could watch my children grow with me, that she could see me, in my role as a mother, on a more regular basis.
Here's some randomness to end our post:
- My mother never missed a single choir concert, dance recital, or any other performance. Ever.
- Birthdays were a big deal to her. Some of my fondest memories are of her pulling me out of school during lunch on my birthday to take me to the restaurant of my choice.
- Sometimes my mom would skip her lunch hour to attend school functions, doctor appointments, or other important things. She was a full time working mother. But she never missed anything.
- My mother, sister, and I all cackle like old hens when we're together. Never fails.
- My children know that their nana loves them beyond anything they could ever imagine. We video chat with her and sometimes I don't get any screen time. They take it all up. Two of my children can't really speak, but Nana doesn't care, she just lets them rattle on and on and on and on and on..... and they do.
- She has taught me to embrace my feelings and my emotions. This is so vital and so important. I love deeply and care deeply because my mother did. That is what I watched her do.
- When I was pregnant with my first child, at the age of 19, I climbed into bed with my mother during a thunderstorm. No joke. And she just put her hand on my belly and told me she loved me and dozed back to sleep.
- My mother is not perfect but she is perfectly mine. And she is perfect for me. And I love her more than I could ever say.
So, thank you to my mother. The woman who gave me life, taught me to feed myself, dress myself, wipe myself, work hard, love myself, and how to be a mother.
She deserves this shout out (she picked the title, even)! We laughed and laughed as she talked about how not one of her children had, as of yet, given her a public shout out this year. Silly me, I was doing things on a personal level. But who DOESN'T want a public shout out? To be told that they're amazing.... I do!!!!
P.S. to my brothers: you crazy, technology-obsessed, funny boys.... You didn't call me on my birthday (2 days ago) and ya didn't call mom on her day/ get her a card (for the one who lives there). We get it... you texted/facebooked.... Mom called you little shits ;) And we laughed and laughed at your boy-ness!!!!
Love you all!!!!
