oKaY OkaY

Haha... no more "dead me". Gosh Mindy!!! lol. ok... so today... oi! what a day!!!! we didn't get any pics here's our schedule today!!!....

9 am... leave for st. louis after no sleep at all!!!! (sleeping in a brace isn't really sleeping)

9-12.... drive to st. louis with a screaming banshee in the back seat

12 pm... arrive at the doctor (on time for once) the doc is in the OR.... can't see us at the moment GREAT!!!

1 pm... after waiting for the doc... go eat at the hospital cafeteria... with a wild gorilla loose (I think it's name was Kourtney.... it was just a coincidence... I swear it wasn't mine)

2 pm... go back up to the doc's office, he's not there, Jordan says to leave, I say "I drove 3 hours to see my doctor... I'm not leaving" 2 seconds later, in he comes.

2:15 ish.... he sees us first! he loves me :) (seriously, couldn't have asked for a better doc, he HAS known me since i was 15 though)

2:15-2:45 ish.... he asks me what my questions are... and laughs at me when I ask if I can take my neckbrace off. not kidding! My face falls as I dare to ask what my restrictions are... and if i can at least take my brace off SOMETIMES. he says he'll compromise... I can take if off when I sleep... well, that's good. But really, I don't know.

2:45... he sends us down for x-rays (while shaking Jordan's hand and telling him to take care of me, very fatherly like, it made me giggle!)

3 pm... after x rays... we're off to the zoo! St. Louis has the best zoo ever!!!! We tried to leave Kourtney with the monkies... she just fit in so well, ya know! lol

3-5..... we have the best time ever, 75 degrees... Kourtney happy... tons of animals and sunshine... couldn't get better!!!! (and I finally got some exercise!!!) I've been feeling lazy and fat!

5-8... drive home with Kourtney snoozing in the back seat 3/4 of the way home.... and mommy in sooooo much pain that she can barely talk to daddy.

all in all.... THE BEST DAY I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!! and really, i'm not joking. my doctor may have crushed my hopes a bit, but he said everything looks close to perfection!!! YAYYYY!!!!! that made me happy. and I spent the day with my two favorite people! I learned that my daughter is hitting the terrible two's and that it's funny and frustrating all at the same time. But, in the end, she never wins with tantrums.... and her manners always come back!

AND... sunshine makes me happy!!!!

surgery and KOURTNEY

WHAT A MONTH WE'VE HAD!!!! March 3, we got up bright and early (3 am for me), just for me to shower with yucky iodine smelly stuffs, and head out for St. Louis!!! After a completely stupid guy stuck me twice to get my i.v. right... my doctor came in. ( I say stupid, b/c he stuck me THREE more times after I was put out, just for ONE i.v.!!!) Anyhoo, my doc came in and informed me that he thought it better that we operate through the front, not the back.... shorter recovery, only fusing C6 to C7, rather than C6 to T2, all that jazz. So, he talked to us for about 45 minutes about the differences and what to expect.... of course, there was the risk to my vocal chords (I haven't gotten my singing voice back yet, but it's on the mend) But he informed me that he had never damaged someone's vocal chords... so, we said "go for it!" ( this was all done while Jordan had his head between his knees, white as a ghost, after watching the iv get stuck into me twice)
So, it's been a long road from there. There's been physical pain, emotional pain, personal space invasion, irritation, agitation, frustration.... blah blah blah. I fear I've been somewhat of a witch...if you get my drift. I've cried for not being able to hold Kourtney EVER!!! I've cried because my husband couldn't hold me, to comfort me. I've cried because I'm watching other people clean my house, and do what I'm supposed to be doing.... my goodness, I really want this to be over! BUT... I can lift Kourtney a couple of times a day now, I still can't bend over much...at all. I am doing some house work, I can't stand for too long, but taking a shower no longer hurts.... I just can't wait to be out of this neck brace!!!!!!

KOURTNEY.... enough about me.... let's talk about my kid! She is soooo smart. I never thought that I'd have such a smart kid. I'm not kidding. She says a new word everyday. She certainly loved getting to know her Grandma Loretta! Those two were quite the pair! Since I've been "out of order" she has started to use sign language. she knows...

blanket, mommy, daddy, eat, more, ball, baby (her absolute favorite), go, stop, cereal, sleep (which normally brings tears), I know there's more... I just can't remember.

The thing that gets me, is that she actually UNDERSTANDS AND USES them!!! Rather than whining yesterday for her blanket, she did the sign for it! I was so proud (especially that I knew what she was asking for lol). Oh my goodness, and her favorite thing in the whole world is giving kisses. She will give anyone kisses. I have to stop her at the grocery store from puckering up to complete strangers. YIKES! But I love that she is so lovey! I love when she runs through the house saying, "Daddy, Daddy".... I love when she looks at me and says "baby" and does the coordinating sign... I love when she says, "Looky" and points to complete randomness... and I love that she still loves me, even though it would appear that I'm neglecting her! OH! AAANNNDDD..... SHE CAN OPEN DOORS!!! yeah... found that out when I was going to the bathroom, with a house full of people, and the door pops open and Kourtney (looking all sorts of triumphant) says, "HELLO!!!" NICE.

Jordan is working on a film this spring... a real film. He's so excited about it. He's already read the whole script, that's a big deal for Jordan. It's a long script. He's done more reading than me this month! lol. I'm excited for him to get this experience under his belt. He's so creative and he's constantly thinking of things to do with film. He's currently working on his own script, which is coming along rather nicely. I love that man. I feel very blessed to have him by my side, especially at this time, when most would just shrink away! anyhoo.... this is long enough :)

now

We decided to do the surgery from the front. It makes for a much better recovery... why didn't we decide to do that in the first place??? Well, there was a 12% chance (give or take) that it would permanently damage my vocal chords. Singing is my passion. I'm good at it, at times I'm great. Not everyone has heard my voice at its full potential.... but it's something to be proud of. I'm only saying this, not to be conceited, but because I was so desperately afraid that I was going to lose it.

I prayed and prayed that my vocal chords would be fine (along with everything else of course). And.... no damage. Now, I'm going to use them. Now, I'm going to get over my fear of singing in front of others. Now, I'm going to sing sing sing my heart out forever!!!!!! Now I'm going to use the talent that God gave to me, and not be afraid (I'm sure that part will take a while) but I WILL do it!!!!!!!!

hard

It's hard to look at my baby and know that I can't hold her.... that it would hurt me if I hold her. I can barely be around her, she just moves too much. I miss her. I miss making her laugh and playing with her.... now she looks at me as if i'm a stranger. .....i miss her :(

Here we go...

My last post for a while... here's what's going on right now...

Jordan took me to the temple (the best session I've ever been to) I needed that!

My little bro is in the hospital and isn't getting any better! It's so sad to see him in so much pain and so uncomfortable... he's four and they think he has kawasaki disease

I have to get up at 3 am to shower (with special cleansing stuff) and we're off at 4 am

then it's a long, painful, uncomfortable, humiliating road from there.

I sure do appreciate the thoughts, prayers, and comments from everyone! love you all!!!