HELLO WORLD!!!!

OH... MY... GOODNESS! Can I just tell you what an exhausting two weeks I have had? Really. My husband started a job that requires him to work pretty much from sun up to sun down. It's a summer thing and it's really nice because he'll get to start school up in the fall and he'll have worked enough to have a nice cushion. However, I am tuckered out! I am at school for about 12 hours a week and I have an online class that requires insane amounts of work... like, insane amounts. I am taking 14 credits. I then come home and I have to do all of the homework for said classes, feed my children, play with my children, bathe my children, do the laundry, make the meals, clean the kitchen (5 million times a day!), vacuum crazy amounts of times, make sure my youngest doesn't crawl to the toilet, stick her hand inside, and proceed to lick off the water (yes, she's been doing that). I must fold and put away said laundry (this seems to be increasingly difficult for me). By the time I get to doing my homework my eyes feel like sandpaper, they're hot and watery, and I kind of feel like quitting life. But alas, I am pulling all A's. Why? and How? you ask... Because my faith in my Heavenly Father keeps me going and going. When I feel like giving up He always has a way of helping me move forward, even if I am barely crawling. He loves me. And that is beautiful to know.

(If only we could all have this much fun in a grocery store)

So, Kourtney is consistently talking to me as if she is an adult. Really, that is happening. The other day I just stopped and thought, when in the world did this happen? I am not old enough to have a mini adult, a child starting kindergarten in a few months, a little person pouring her own cereal, making her own quesadillas, and popping her own popcorn. Yes, she does all of those things. And she "reads" to her little sister. They play school and Klo just goes right along with it. Because, let's face it, who doesn't love big sister time?

(clearly Kourtney dresses herself)

Kloey has an obsession with the bathroom. Don't ask. I couldn't tell ya'. She crawls into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. And if I try to come in she will shove me out and slam the door behind me. What?!! She does this all of the time now! So independent! She just crawls into her room and starts playing with all of the toys and "reading" all of the books. And when she realizes the door is open... SLAM! it goes. Child cracks me up. She is just growing so fast! Well, Kloey fast anyway.

(they go to bed while it's still light outside)

Tonight my husband said, "Alright, time for bed girls". And I looked at the clock just to be sure that he wasn't just getting my hopes up. When I realized he was indeed telling the truth I let out this strangely evil giggle that frightened my children and lasted for several seconds. I was so stupidly excited for bedtime! I mean really, sometimes you just need 'em to sleep!!!

Photo credit to my husband and his phone! Except for the last one. That came from my instagram. You can follow me! @schpef  Please do!!!

Whooping cough and calories

My poor sweet angel has whooping cough for the second time this year.

Kourtney just threw a HUGE tantrum soon after Daddy got home. She hasn't been doing that lately. I think that is her way of punishing him for being gone consistently for twelve hours at a time.

I literally tried to stay awake all night long because I was so afraid that Kloey would just stop breathing. She would just cough and cough. Then she would go silent until I would hear this huge gasp for air and wheezing. Scary!

They almost admitted my sweet girl to the hospital but her levels were pretty okay. We started her meds and you better believe I will be sleeping with one ear open tonight.

I just got blood drawn to test my thyroid today. It's about time I do that. We're coming up on the third missed menstrual cycle and craaazzzy fatigue that makes me super cranky and zombie-like at all times. Headaches, brittle nails, you name it...

When I first mentioned this to my doctor he said something that made me giggle. You see, I started with the 3 missed periods bit and before I could go into anything else he said..."Well when young women (insert hesitation here) like you mention this I have to suggest that you might want to try exercising a little less vigorously and frequently. I would also suggest getting in some more calories."

Really Doc? I'm thin but not that thin. I giggled and informed him that I consumed 1/4 of a bag of Doritos completely by myself last night. No, I do not feel good about that... but neither will I apologize. And also everyone knows that I do enjoy exercising but I am a full time student (struggling with intense amounts of fatigue) and a wife and mother to two children (one of which throws huge tantrums and the other gets sick all the time). So, I could let you believe that I am a workout fanatic... but that would be lying... and my mother told me to never tell a lie. I would say too vigorous and frequent exercise is not my problem...neither is too little calorie intake. I don't have that kind of self control. Nope.

FYI: Jordan just started a summer job and works insanely long hours. So now I am a full time mother and full time student and I am doing it all while he is gone from sun up to sun down. Bring it on. Ain't nobody got time for failing. Much love!

My daughter is handicapped

It is true. And it is wonderful. I learn so many new things and my life is so greatly enriched by this experience. A friend of mine posted this sweet thing to my facebook wall and I felt like I should share it;

Mothers of Handicapped Children 
by Erma Bombeck

A mother; This parent heaven sent by choice; a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Some how I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint Matthew. Forest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron saint Cecilia. Ruttledge, Carrie, twins, Patron saint... give her Gerard- he's used to profanity." Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel." "But has she patience?" Asked the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity, and despair. Once the anger and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world, and that's not going to be easy.: "But Lord, I don't think she believes in you" God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps."selfishness? Is that a virtue? God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she will be envied. She will never consider a step ordinary, when her child says "mommy" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it; when she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly what I see..... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone, I will be at her side every minute of everyday of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair God smiles, " a mirror will suffice."

This is my sweet Kloey Alice. She will be 2 years old on August 15. She just learned how to crawl. She says "ba-ba" for bottle and "nom nom" when she thinks something is just super yummy. Her favorite place to be is inside Mommy's arms. Her big sister brightens her day. When she can't find Kourtney (big sister) she is distraught and crawls around our home until she locates her. She is Daddy's little sweetheart. About two months ago she learned how to give kisses and wave bye-bye. And twice she has called me "Me-Me". She is my darling angel. And I would not EVER take the extra chromosome out of her. Not Ever!

Being her mother is a GREAT blessing. Much love!!!

Oh me, Oh my, those thighs....

This is a picture of what I look like after showering, doing my hair, putting on my makeup, etc.

As I am preparing myself for the day my husband often asks me this question, "Why do you do that? Just forget it for a day". My usual response is something akin to "Oh hush. This is what we, as women, do". And then I go about the rest of my day without really giving it a second thought.

So, why do I do this? Honestly, a lot of days I prefer not to. Some days I just walk around my house like this...

and I play with my babies, make cookies, do laundry, sing at the top of my lungs and I don't give a second thought to my appearance.

So, here's what we're discussing today. Women. Different types of women. Some are blonde, some are brunette. Some are super skinny, some have a little more to love. Some have straight teeth, some have crooked. Some have big eyes, some have wittle eyes. Some gain no weight during pregnancy, and some (like myself) blow up like a balloon. And it is all OKAY!!! The above picture is one from my birthday celebration a few weeks ago. The three women in the picture are (from left to right) myself, Alexis, and Carlie. We are all mothers. We all think differently, act differently, and yes, we all have different body types. Women today are bombarded by images of what society expects of us. And even when society isn't actually coming out and saying, "this is what you should look like" we all find ourselves suffering with these complexes and many of us think we need to be stick thin to accomplish beauty within ourselves.

But beauty is not solely how great someone's thighs look when they're exposed. It is not how well someone knows how to apply their makeup. It is not even how straight someone's smile is. Beauty is the core of love, friendship, and understanding that shines through from a person's soul. It is found in a generous person's eyes. It is found in a Great-Grandmother's smile of wisdom and humor. It is found in the loving arms of a Nana choosing to express gratitude for her many blessings. Every single person has the potential for beauty. The above picture is one of my family. Four generations of GORGEOUS women. Are we on the cover of Vogue Magazine? Negative. But we are loving, caring, funny, and smart women. Notice, we all come in different sizes. The little ones are fun size (wink wink). Pictured from left to right: My sister Rachael and her daughter Anna; Myself and Rachael's daughter Alicia; My grandmother Pat; My mother Stephanie and my daughter Kloey. Each person shines with their own beauty.

This beautiful woman is my Great-Grandmother Helen. She is 89 years old (I'm pretty sure). And she is beautiful. And this is me completely sans makeup after swimming. And I struggled with the idea of posting this on a blog about being beautiful. Because I have been brainwashed into believing that my outward appearance is an indicator of whether or not I am to be perceived as beautiful. Here is a list of all of the things that I struggle with when it comes to my outward womanly appearance:

• My nose is too big
• My teeth aren't perfectly straight or perfectly white
• My eyebrows grow in too quickly after I tweeze or wax
• I have acne spots and bumps
• My hair lays straight and limp most of the time
• I do not have very "girly" fingernails and most of the time I have no time to keep up with them
• I've had two babies...my boobs will never be the same again (it is true)
• My stomach is covered in stretch marks, faded ones, but they're very much there
• I have a pooch of flabby skin from birthing kiddos
• My butt is not your classic "look splendid and tiny in a bikini" butt. No no. It's pretty cushioned in that region.
• I do not have  a Brazilian Butt... I have a "I'm trying my hardest to perk this thing back up" butt
• There are stretch marks all over my thighs
• I am pasty white
• There are stretch marks on my calves
• My ankles aren't thin enough
• My hips are too wide
• I need to get rid of the fat on my back

Now, I weigh 120 pounds and I still have these complexes. My point being that it doesn't matter what you look like or what you wear, I am willing to bet that almost every single woman and girl in this country hates something about themselves. And why should we?!!!

EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE! Everything about yourself. Own those stretch marks, you certainly earned them. Try your hardest to be the healthiest and best that YOU can be. Do not compare yourselves to others because that only leads to envy, stress, heartache, and in some cases depression. You are uniquely you. Your body reacts to things differently than someone else's. You have different strengths than someone else. You have beauty on your outside and your inside. You just have to be willing to look beyond what the world expects and look to doing your best and giving your all in everything. Do this and you will most certainly be happy. Happiness is Beauty. Be generous, loving, and charitable. For these all reflect Beauty. Above all else, strive for inward beauty and outward health. I hope this doesn't sound like a jumbled mess. Much love!!!

(two beauties in my life; my mama and my Kloey)

Celebrate Women. Celebrate unique-ness. Celebrate beauty. 

A day of Mothers

It is on this day that we remember our mothers. What a wonderful day! I say this because mothers really are incredible! My mother has inspired me in so many ways and was taken for granted for so many years. Because let's face it, young people are selfish and ungrateful. And then they grow up and become your best friend (or so it happened with me and my mother).

My mother:

• always showed me what true love really was.
• never gave up on me.
• pushed me to better myself.
• knew what I was capable of before I had the courage to look within myself.
• supports me everyday through trials, triumphs, my own mothering, school, you name it.
• always work her little tush off. 
• adores my children and they adore her!
• gives me a good "kick in the rear" when I'm being childish, immature, stupid... whatever.
• laughs with me.
• listens to my fears, wants, dreams.
• never judges me.
• is a woman of great faith and strength.
• is an example of growth!
• encourages me in all that I do.
• loves my husband!

My mother gave me life. That doesn't seem like much when it is typed into a sentence but that is nine long months of someone invading your body folks! Kids change your whole world! And it is not a bad thing. It is something to be cherished and looked forward to. My mother taught me that being a mother is the best job you could ever have. It will not be picture perfect. Kids will throw tantrums, yell, wipe their nose on your shirt, pull your hair, it goes on and on. But children also teach you the most important lessons in life. They teach love, acceptance, patience, and much more. I love my children more than anything, largely because my mother loved me more than anything. Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mother. And Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!!

no time no time.... there's just NO TIME!!!!

With finals week and then travelling this week there has been exactly zero time for blogging of any sort. However, here I find myself with a very rare quiet moment at my mother's house and I am snagging the opportunity to bore you all with my ramblings. First off, I just watched a hilarious video called "Ode to Sleep Deprived Parents". It cracked me up because it is just spot on... you can watch it here. Just to give you your daily dose of giggles. Everyone needs giggles in their life.

Last night we endured some craaaaaazzzzzyyyyy storms that I grew up with in Illinois but never come to Idaho. I must say that I am grateful for the puny little thunderstorms that we seldom get out there that tend to freak all of the Idahoans out. See, out there I seem like the brave one. Psshhh.... little bit o' thunder, little bit o' lightening... no big deal my friends. But here, I am genuinely freaked out and really struggling to keep it together. Most times it is alright and I do pretty well. However, when tornado sirens are going off for one hour straight, the sky is dark green, and it's hailing like madness outside, you best believe I'm feigning calm and trying inexplicably hard not to pee myself. *Sigh* It is the unfortunate truth.

All of this happened last night. I had made my parents a nice dinner, my friend Angie was over, it was just Kloey in the house (I was starting to think that the night was going to be too quiet). God took care of that fear for me. You see, none of my siblings have basements. So trudging through the flash flood warnings, hail, thunder, and lightening comes a whole swarm (and I do mean swarm) of people to take refuge in my parents' house. I was so excited actually! I love and adore my nieces and nephews and the more time I get to spend with them the happier I am! That is no lie. But I did become painfully aware of the fact that I had not made enough food for EVERYONE in my family.

Big crazy families.... gotta love 'em. And I certainly do love mine. Kloey is just Miss Popularity here I tell ya'. It is fabulous that she is so social and loving and just so ready to get to know everyone. People are really nervous to hold her at first because normally kids get freaked out by new people, but not my Klo. She knows when someone genuinely loves and cares about her and it's as if she just wants them to know that they're loved back. They're always loved back. Pure sweetness I tell you.

I miss my Kourtney Bear. And my honey. And my house. But when I go back I have to jump right back into school... think I'll stay here for a few more days *wink wink*

A difficult difficult difficult day

Today is my niece's 6th birthday and I didn't even get the chance to call her. Boo! Here's why:

Almost 12 straight hours of non-stop tantrums... that's right... 12 hours.

Even Kloey was a little whiny today.

Kourtney screamed about e-ver-y-thing today!!!!

Jordan and I reached our breaking point.

I called my mother in law for advice.

God love her... she said, "why don't I just take her for a few days?"

God bless that woman.

I was in tears before I called her because these tantrums have been going on for weeeeeks on end.

When I say tantrums.... they're much worse than most tantrums that I've seen other children throw.

We were patient, loving, kind, calm, talking gently, gently scolding blah blah blah for the first probably 5-6 hours.

I started to feel super terrible because I was feeling the urge to put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door and shove her in there.

Then Jordan started to lose it and I felt slightly better about myself. When that man loses patience and stops being nice... you know it's a bad day.

So, we met Grandma in Shelley and transferred Kourtney to her car. I was feeling very nervous and anxious about my baby being gone for days. Then Kourtney gives me a little nudge and says, "you and Daddy can get out now. I'm a big girl. You said you aren't coming with."

Yep. Guess this will be good for all of us.

I figure she needs to remember that she needs us... and we need to remember that we like her. As bad as that sounds, it is true.

I'm already starting to miss her... kind of *wink wink*