today we came home from church to discover a leak in the ceiling, leaking directly onto our computer and another one in Kourtney's closet onto her clothes. I'm sorry, I lied.. there were two leaks on our computer. fun. tomorrow I drive to St. Louis to do "pre-testing" as it is called. I get poked and prodded in preparation for surgery. tuesday I'm preparing the house, grocery shopping, making list upon list and getting my hubby all ready (and everyone else that will be at my house) for the time in which I will be incapacitated :( Wednesday we leave at 4 am to arrive in St. Louis by 6:30 am to get surgery at 8:30 am....
What's the mystery???
I'm scared. What will it be like this time around? What if the unthinkable happens? What if I become paralyzed? All of these what-if's that I wasn't afraid of before... I'm afraid of them now. The scary thing is that they're completely valid fears!!! I'm scared to be in a hospital without my husband... while he and my daughter are two and half hours away. Honestly, I'm scared to death of recovery. I remember what it was like last time, it was sooooo hard! It was so frustrating, humiliating, just all together sucked!!!
I pray everyday that everything will go okay, and that my intense fear will cease. It works, but the fear always comes back... I'm not sure why. I've thought that maybe surgery isn't necessary, but the way my neck has been lately, I know that it is necessary! I'm so glad for the support that I'm getting. Everyone is so great! Jordan, Mom, Angie, my other Mom... and everyone that calls, prays, thinks of us... it is all so greatly appreciated. I'm scared, but I feel very blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and family!
2 comments:
I love you SOOOO MUCH!!! And I'm so glad and grateful we could reconnect. You are in my prayers, and I know that God will watch over you and the hands of the physician's while they work to get you better. I think recovery will be 10X better this time because you have a serious support team! You don't have to miss any school or deal with stupid high school kids! You have God, and you have your family, and you have me! We are all rooting for you and are hoping for you to get better from this surgery! It's not uncommon to be scared, freaking out, or whatever term you want to use. In fact it's completely NORMAL and HEALTHY! If you weren't spazzing out right now I'd be REALLY CONCERNED! All I know is that you have so many people ready and willing to help you get better this time. And you need to rely heavily on God for some serious strength! =) Stop with the what-if's because they don't make anything better. Read the Bible and PRAY. Call friends/family, but don't sit around contemplating what-if's because they will drive you crazy! I love you girlie! I know this is for the better! Hang in there, it'll be done with before you know it!!!!!!!
Oh Steph... I couldn't imagine how hard this would be. I thought about you and Joe a lot lately. I hope you know how much I love you! Praying for you sister. Give me a call if you need aything.
Post a Comment