My Mind

and what's on it. :)

I turn 22 tomorrow.

I don't feel old enough to be a mother, a wife, a 20 something.....

I'm putting Kourtney on the gluten free diet. wish me luck

Jordan is seriously thinking about school. and I'm seriously considering his option.

I feel like we have created a safe zone for each other, and I love that.

In over 20 years I've never met someone that can make me smile, even when I'm mad, as much as Jordan does.

I grow closer to the spirit everyday.

My testimony grows everyday.

For the first time in my life, I'm focusing on what I need to improve about myself... instead of criticizing others and focusing on their faults.

Food storage/ emergency preparation can be fun!

cornmeal pancakes are pretty good (even Kourtney ate them)

I wish my body wasn't so broken... I want another baby. But, my time will come

We have fish! Kourtney loves watching them swim around in their tank!!! so much fun for her!

We are completely broke!

But... our bills are paid... we have food, clothing, we're happy.... I may not get a birthday or a Mother's day gift but somehow I know that Jordan will make it super special for me!

I love flowers! In my family they call me the "flower girl" I'm always wearing flowers, putting them on Kourtney, incorporating them into our life/wardrobe somehow.

I hate my neckbrace... oh wait... that's not news! lol

I get to start easing out of it in a week!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, what else... there's too much.

3 days gluten free (again) what has improved....

well, no depression

my eyesight is already improving

no stomach pain

flu is gone

feeling healthy

not snapping at Jordan

all in all, I feel pretty good.

What makes me feel even better... We went to a family owned health food store yesterday, the whole family is gluten free. (the only place that I can find corn flour!!!!! 20 minutes outside Quincy!)

None of them have been tested positive for the disease but they all know that they have it. This is the hardest thing for me. Not having medical/family proof that I have this. I feel like many people don't believe me. That's okay. I know that my body improves when on this diet, Jordan knows it, and that's what matters. Oh, and this place had the best gluten free cookies ever!!!! yummo!!!! a little pricey, but Jordan didn't mind that I bought some! He loves me.

This life is proving to be quite an adventure. I've learned though, if you step back, take a deep breath, don't think so far into every little thing, and just try to be the best that you, yourself, can be (and stop comparing yourself to others/caring what others think) it makes for a much more relaxed, enjoyable adventure! This, I feel, is something that I've learned through much trial, error, and scripture/church material study!

THE END :)

What happens...

when I eat gluten....

(I'm making this public so that, next time I'm in denial.... someone will slap me)

First day... not too much

first week.... depression starts to hit

second week.... depression is in full gear

halfway through second week.... tummy starts to upset

third week.... stomach in torrential fits... depression effecting everyone around me

fourth week... immune system crashes

when I don't eat gluten...

I don't feel like a zombie.

I don't have to wear my glasses/contacts as often (hardly ever)

I don't get stomach upsets

my body just FEELS healthy

Everyone around me is much happier

Maybe bread isn't worth it.... maybe

Oh boy

Oh, my husband. It's amazing... one week, you're about to kill each other... the next, you've never been happier. We've finally thrown a little bit of organization and compromise into our relationship and VOILA! We haven't been this happy since we were dating. I tell no lies! To be able to discuss feelings and apologize and admit we were wrong, even if we think it is sooo stupid, has been freeing! I love him. And! he patiently drives me to St. Louis every month for my checkup. Yesterday, it was hot, and our air conditioning isn't working for some reason. 80 degrees feels 120 to me!!! He drives there.... and drives back.... all for an hour wait and a half hour visit! But, everything is looking good and in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start easing out of the neckbrace!!!!
The good thing about going to St. Louis, is the zoo. It's free, and it FRIKKIN' ROCKS!!! We went to see the half of the zoo that we didn't see last time. (it's so big, you can't do it all in just a couple of hours) Kourtney loved the butterflies!!! She got to touch them... they just fly right up to people! It was great! We even cut in on some private time between two of them... if you know what I mean ;)
We want to see the hippopotamus.... but all we saw were all of these fish. Kourtney liked it. Only Mommy and Daddy were disappointed, she didn't know that there was anything to be disappointed about.
Kourtney liked the butterflies... Jordan liked the elephant... and I liked the cheetahs. Sure, they're dangerous and all... but look how peaceful they are. They just look so cozy (and yes, they do have a substantial amount of land set aside just for them). It does make me a little sad though, to see all of these animals "cooped up". I love to go see them, but it's not where they should be. True, some are endangered, but not all.

Anyway, we stopped at the cheetahs and I decided, "when I'm in heaven, I'm going to lay down with cheetahs." And, I will.

Then, it was time to go. I was tired, hot, getting grumpy (but I controlled it, I was proud). Kourtney needed a nap (she slept the whole way home). Jordan and I were both dying from allergies! And, I still am! blegh! I had to sit down on my way back to the car and some guy (Jordan and Kourtney went to get the car) leaned out of his mini-van and yelled, "NICE LEGS". Needless to say, I was creeped out and found the strength to get up and keep walking to the car. I'm still tired. But, it was a good day.
And now, we say adios! :)

NObama

President Obama is in town... what to do.... what to do....

I think I'll catch up on sleep,

maybe go grocery shopping,

maybe read a good book,

AND

not go see some phony boloney be praised for being a dumb head

Yeah... sounds good :)

this weekend

Friday.... Jordan and I fought... what's new

thunderstorms... aaallll day long

Jordan comes home... we're happy

I take a shower, get out, tornado warnings are going off. Jordan, having never experienced this except for the testing on tuesday mornings, was video taping it. nice

wonderful

we sleep downstairs, in our basement (which wasn't so bad, actually, our other bed is down there)

Saturday... rain rain rain

Grandma, Mom, Erin, myself, Kourtney Bear trek to the preparedness fair in Nauvoo

I learned a lot of things about food storage, preparedness, etc. (kinda the point i guess lol)

Grandma has lived in Quincy her whole life, and she has never had the Nauvoo experience

We decide to give her a watered down version of it until we can go later this summer

the garden that honors the woman (with all of the sculptures) was especially great to me this time. Now, that i'm a mother things took on a different meaning. Going with my mother and grandmother was also very special.

Kourtney has great pictures of her with her great grandmother, something that not many children have (also with her great great grandmother, but not this day)

We visited the end of Parley street (where the saints crossed the mississippi to begin their trek west) it is my absolute favorite spot in nauvoo!

we made a rope at the family living center (Grandma loved it)

we learned about bread

Mom bought me a pasta maker for my birthday, now i can make homemade pasta way cheap!!!

I love my grandmother!!!

My biological grandparents visit. They had never been to our home. It's special when I get to spend quality time with them, i didn't know that they existed until I was about 10 years old.

Jordan and I spent quality time together, and the wound is healing. I hate to put it that way, but our relationship has been wounded. happens to everyone. i'm not ashamed of it. it just sucks, that's all

Sunday... more gloomy weather!

church was good (the 15 minutes i got to hear of sacrament meeting)

Kourtney clings to me, I have to stay in nursery with her. it's exhausting. not that i can sit on the relief society chairs anyway, but the option would be nice!

Family's house for bro's bday... interesting... just interesting

more quality time with jordan, nice

Kourtney is finally warming up to me again, since the surgery. I'm doing more and more everyday. Kourtney climbs and climbs and climbs! she talks and talks and talks. Mainly, just Jordan and I can understand what she's saying :) She tries. Jordan is one of the top sellers where he works (a very big accomplishment). I hate that he doesn't get any recognition for it. I know that environment is tough to work in. We've finally come to a compromise on the future... finally. and that's that folks.

inspiration for the day

"The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth."
By: Ezra Taft Benson, "Fundamentals of Enduring Family Relationships," Ensign, Nov. 1982

I know

Yes, my last blog was depressing, right after a rather happy one.

I really am okay now. I just wanted to post that poem. k? okay.

love to all!