Christmas Words

Oh Christmas time. It is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the snow, the cozy warmth of home, cuddly blankets, fuzzy socks, baby snuggles, gingerbread houses, cookies, presents.... just EVERYTHING!

This Christmas was different for us. We did our own Christmas. For the first time since we've been married we just did our own thing and it was so so so wonderful!!! Our children woke up before the sun did to see what Santa had brought for them. They saw that he had eaten all of the cookies that they had decorated for him just the night before. They learned all about why Santa gives us gifts. About Jesus' birth and how He was the ultimate gift. Kourtney tried to get away with leaving her door open and light on so that she could hear Santa when he came in. And they were beyond thrilled with their presents and stockings! They stuffed their faces with candy all day long. We had a ham dinner on our fine china and even had some neighbors over to spend time with. We enjoyed some Nigerian Christmas food, compliments of our Nigerian neighbor.

While he was here I asked him what Christmas was like where he's from. And as he was telling me, something seemed to have hit me square in the face. They don't have Halloween over there, nor do they have Thanksgiving, but everyone has Christmas. Because Christmas is Christ. And Christ is for the whole world. I look at my sweet Joseph and know that he will do wonderful things. But young Mary looked at her baby boy and knew that he would CHANGE THE WORLD!!! How blessed we are that there was a mother strong enough and worthy enough to take on this task.

As I was shutting Kourtney's bedroom door after tucking her into bed tonight I turned around and said, "Kourtney, what is Christmas?" To which she responded, "Jesus' birthday". Earlier I had asked her, "Why does Santa bring us gifts?" To which she promptly answered, "Because Jesus was the biggest gift". I love her faith and knowledge. I love that even though Santa and presents have seemingly overthrown what Christmas really is we can know that if we just take a little time to teach our young ones what the spirit of Christmas is all about, they will learn, and they will cherish it.

Tonight my sweet Kloey reminded me once again what Christmas is all about. It is about family. My darling girl is more than 3 years old and has never really spoken. I have longed and longed for her to say "mommy". Something inside of me has NEEDED to hear it for such a long time. Kourtney said it when she was less than a year old. I know things are slower going with Klo. But it's been so long. We were watching a Christmas movie with her and this thought popped into my head, "ask her. Ask her to say 'mommy'". So, I did. She looked me right in the eye, smiled, and said "mommy". I gasped, looked at Jordan to confirm that it had not been my imagination, and when I saw his face I knew that I was right. My baby girl called me "mommy". My heart swelled with love, adoration, relief, and so many more emotions. There were so many that they spilled out of me in the form of tears! And I'm not gonna lie, Jordan teared up too.

This is Christmas. Christmas is family. Christmas is love and giving. Christmas is Christ.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Year of the Hansen's

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
WHEN ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE,
NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING.....
EXCEPT FOR MY SPOUSE.

THIS WAY IT HAD BEEN THE ENTIRE YEAR THROUGH
EVER SINCE JANUARY HAD STARTED ANEW.
THE CHILDREN WERE NESTLED ALL DOWN WITH SWINE FLU,
WHILE MOM WAS TRYING DESPERATELY TO NOT SPEW.

MAMA PEED ON A STICK TO CONFIRM OUR SUSPICION,
OF HER VERY OBVIOUS NINE MONTH CONDITION.
WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY HAD A CRAZY IDEA.
THAT DADDY WOULD SPRING INTO A NEW FILM CAREER!

AWAY TO THE INTERNET HE FLEW WITH A FLASH,
TO RESEARCH HOW FILM WOULD MAKE THE MOST CASH.

SO DADDY WAS PREPPING, AND READY TO GO,
WHEN MOMMY HAD PROBLEMS BEGINNING TO SHOW.
THIS BABY THAT WAS QUIETLY GROWING INSIDE HER,
WAS HAVING SOME PROBLEMS THAT WOULD PUT HIM IN DANGER.

WITH A GREAT TEAM OF DOCTORS SO SMART AND SO QUICK,
THE BABY WAS SAVED AND HE STARTED TO KICK.

MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES,
THE TRIALS THEY CAME.
SO QUICKLY WE'LL STATE THEM
ACCORDING TO NAME:

NOW JORDAN WAS BUSY
AND CONSTANTLY WORKING,

'CUZ STEPH WAS ON BEDREST
AND SURE WASN'T PERKY.

AND KOURTNEY WAS LEARNING
AND QUITE ON THE BALL!

BUT KLOEY WAS SICK
WITHIN HOSPITAL WALLS.

AS MOMMY WAS GROWING AND GETTING QUITE HUGE,

THE GIRLS, THEY KEPT LEARNING! AND JORDAN DID TOO!

KOURTNEY WAS DANCING AND LEARNING TO SING,
WHILE KLO WAS TAKING STEPS AND TRYING NEW THINGS.

AND THEN IN A TWINKLING OF JUST 3 SHORT HOURS,
CAME SWEET LITTLE JOSEPH AND THEN LOTS OF FLOWERS.

THE GIRLS FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW BABY BROTHER,
AND 100 TIMES THE HEART GREW IN THEIR MOTHER.

BUT GOD HAD SOME MORE FOR THIS QUAINT LITTLE FAMILY.
SO THEY HELD ON REAL TIGHT AD ENDURED MERRILY.

THE BABY WAS SICK AND TEARS FLOWED FROM HIS EYES,
WHILE LITTLE KLO'S NECK STARTED GROWING IN SIZE.

A COUPLE OF SURGERIES WERE HAD ON THE NECK,
AND 3 WEEKS OF INFUSIONS...
THEN KLOEY HAD STREP!

BUT KOURTNEY'S EYES HOW THEY TWINKLED! KLO'S SMILE HOW MERRY!
JOSEPH'S CHEEKS WERE LIKE ROSES, HIS NOSE LIKE A CHERRY!

HE HAS A CHUBBY FACE AND A ROUND LITTLE BELLY.
KOURTNEY LOVES GIVING HIM KISSES,
BUT NOT WHEN HE'S SMELLY.

WITH ONE MORE SURGERY LEFT FOR THIS YEAR,
KLOEY WILL BE HEALTHY
AND SO WILL HER EARS.

KOURTNEY NOW READS AND WRITES HER OWN STORIES,
AND TELLS MOM AND DAD OF ALL SORTS OF HER WORRIES.

MOMMY AND DADDY ARE BLESSED BEYOND REASON,
WE'RE FILLED WITH THANKSGIVING AND JOY IN THIS SEASON.

WITH SMILES AND LAUGHS WE'LL GREET EACH NEW DAY.
DESPITE THE PEE, SNOT, AND SALIVA
THAT WILL COME OUR WAY.

SO IF YOU SEE US LOOKING ALL HAGARD AND HAZY,
DO NOT ASSUME WE ARE JUST BEING LAZY.

FOR WITH TRIALS COME BLESSINGS,
AND WITH BLESSINGS COME TRIALS.
AND OUR'S SEEM TO HAVE BEEN STRETCHED FOR MILES AND MILES.

THERE'S NO NEED TO DENY THAT THIS YEAR,
IT'S BEEN ROUGH!

AND QUITE CERTAINLY
2015 CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

Lots of sick

It is almost 6:00 in the morning and I have not slept at all. Why? Because I've been in the hospital with my daughter all night long. I should really just have a permanent room there it seems. We had just been there 24 hours before. But this seems to be common for my Kloey and that breaks my heart.

Of course no child should be sick all of the time, it's just not fair. It's exhausting for them and it's exhausting for the parents. Just imagine, if you will, a drop of sunshine fallen from the sky to brighten your life and those around you. Now take that sunshine and try to squeeze the light and the life out of it. It'll take a while but eventually the light will begin to fade and the sunshine may start to give up.

Kloey is my sunshine. And this sick business is starting to squeeze the light right out of her. She is still happy, she is still loving, but she is exhausted. I see defeat in her eyes. I feel exhaustion in her hugs. I help her as much as I know how but what can I do really?

Wednesday will hopefully be the beginning of the return of the sunny light. A tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy plus ear tubes is certainly no fun but the end result will no doubt pay off. Pray for my sweet girl. Pray for our family. There's a very good chance that she may refuse to eat or drink or take any medicine. Kloey doesn't understand that these things are necessary. We can't explain that like we would to any other 3 year old. I know what's coming and it will be rough, make no mistake. But we will power through because one thing is for sure....

my Kloey is a Fighter.

Much love everyone.
(sorry for the dramatics, just being honest) :)

Forever friends

As I sit down to write this blog I realize that for the first time the words are not just naturally flowing from my fingertips. For those who know me, you know that this is quite uncharacteristic. However, these words are important, so I will type until I do this post justice.

Our dictionary defines death for us like this: the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.

And yet, that just seems so wrong, so impersonal, so cold. It seems to just put an enormous amount of emphasis on the fact that the person in question is just no longer being. As if death comes and nothing else matters except for that final fact. That the person no longer exists because they no longer breathe is just not something that I'm willing to accept. Indeed, I know that to be wrong. For starters, there are the memories. The memories of a mother holding her baby, the memories of a growing child, the memories of friendships, loves, heartaches, and so much more. Memories keep people alive in our minds and in our hearts. If a person has made an impact on even one other life, that person is never truly "gone".

Moving past the preliminaries. In my life there are few people that I can say are my truest of the true "friends". Of course, there's my husband and several girlfriends. But there is one other person. A person that has held a piece of my heart for over 10 years. A person whom I have missed dearly for such a long time. A person that has just recently left this world, and as he did so he left a hole in many hearts. What a remarkable and wonderful person he was and still is. I want to emphasize the "still is" part of that sentence by sharing some things that I will never ever forget about this incredible person.

• His testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ. I had the amazing privilege of hearing him speak of it a couple of times. He never was big on words but he didn't have to be. You could really just feel his love for the gospel and it radiated through him. 
• His subtle charm. This one is my favorite. Most teenage boys (men in general) have the tendency to be a bit cocky and full of themselves, overly confident. Not this guy. He was genuinely sweet to the core,  no phony business whatsoever. Sometimes I figured it must have been an act, but as I got to know him I realized that was just exactly who he was. Genuinely sweet and sincere.  And extremely mild mannered and  quiet. That was his charm though. 
• He was a gentleman in the truest sense of the word. Not once did I ever see him disrespect any person, never did he disrespect me. Always held open doors, never intentionally said anything hurtful, always willing to help.
• He was funny. Although he was very quiet, he could always make me laugh in the best ways.
• When it was cold outside and we were going somewhere he wouldn't start the car until I was sitting right next to him so that he could keep me warm. In a very not creepy sort of way. Looking back on it now, it was probably a bit more romantic-ish than I realized. But I was a naive teenager, what did I really know?
• He wrote probably a hundred (or more) letters to me over the course of several years. It was before the time of rampant cell phone ownership and usage. We wrote letters. There wasn't a single letter that said anything in a negative way. There was nothing that would have ever portrayed him in a negative light. Most of those letters are gone now. And I wish I could have them back.
• We ate way too much pizza! For real. Almost everyday we would get a Little Caesar's pizza and eat the whole thing while we watched some television show or movie or even just talked. Seriously, a lot of pizza.
• He made chocolate milk for me. The first time he did that he only put about a teaspoon of chocolate in the glass of milk. His mother informed him that I was a girl and that I would probably want more chocolate. He brought it to me anyway. I informed him that I would probably want more chocolate. He chuckled and put more chocolate in it. 
• At a time when almost every single friend had turned against me (high school was rough for me) he never did. He was there through some pretty rough moments. 
• I was not 16 yet. I would not date until I was 16 and he respected that. Not once did he question it or  try to "make a move". We were friends. We were best friends. I could always trust him.

Of course, our lives went separate ways. I got married 7 years ago and started a family of my own. He eventually did the same. While we have  talked a couple of times over the past few years, it was not to the extent that I would have liked. I wanted to tell him about my children, talk about family life and what not. But the timing was just never right I guess. But I always always knew that he was one of my best friends. I always knew that had never really changed, not really. And that is still the truth. While everything above may be in past tense, it still applies to him today. He has not changed just because he lives in a different place now. He is still everything he was on earth and so much more. He is still one of my oldest and dearest friends. He will always hold a piece of my heart.

Talking the "talk"

It happened..... Mom and Dad weren't careful enough (meaning Dad forgot to lock the door...!!!)... and she walked in............................................................

So.... that killed my mood! Bahaha!!! She opens the door, says "OH!!" and goes to shut the door as I look at Jordan and say, "YOU DIDN'T LOCK IT?!!!" To which she promptly responds by opening the door and in a very awkward voice proceeds to say, "I will lock it.." "No! Kourtney just go!" came out of my mouth by that point.... And then I couldn't stop giggling. Because anyone who knows me, knows that when things get awkward I giggle.... uncontrollably (4th grade spelling bee).

She walked in on us when she was 3 but had no idea what was going on, but this time I knew it was different. She knew. I knew she knew. Jordan was in denial..."we can just tell her we were sleeping".... yeah. He could handle the "how do babies get out of the tummy talk" but this was just too much for the man. He jumped right in the shower as I said, "We're gonna have to tell her". Coward.

I have to admit that I did hang out in the bathroom for a little bit mulling over what the heck I was going to say to an almost 6 year old about sex. I decided to be completely honest. Just tell her the basics and make sure I didn't make it awkward. After all, I want her to know that sex is not a "taboo" subject that she can never come to me about. For her to feel comfortable with me is super important. So I took the plunge...

She sees me. She looks away. She says, "I just need you to get me some food." Yep. This isn't awkward. Pray for strength. "Kourtney, we have to talk about what you just saw." "...okaaayy."

We sit down at the kitchen table and I have to remind myself multiple times to NOT BE AWKWARD!!! So we begin. I started by naming the anatomy. Use the real names folks, don't be afraid to tell them what they really are, say it with me, "penis and vagina"... very good.

Now that that was out of the way it was time to explain marriage. Yes, I am teaching my child to wait until marriage. I do not need "advice" or comments about this being "old fashioned" or whatever else you may think. This is how we're teaching them. Then I explain that when you're married it is okay for your husband to see your vagina...

She was quite shocked by this revelation! And then, all of a sudden, I knew how to say it! The penis and the vagina can come together and that is called "sex". "Sex?" "Yes. sex." BOOM! explanation given and accepted. "Kourtney, do you have any questions?..." "No... wait, yes.... can you get me some food." Ladies and gentlemen a round of applause please. Not only did I do it, but I did with grace!

Jordan can tell Joseph when he asks. I'll handle Klo Bow.

Dropping off

Five months it has been since I last graced the "pages" of my dearly beloved blog. And here I find myself nearly into my third trimester of my third pregnancy. Here I find myself realizing that so much has happened in the last five months that it would be completely impossible for me to put it all into words. Perhaps I'll give it a shot... or at least some of it. We're not running a reality show for goodness' sake.

Sometime at the beginning of February we found out that I was expecting our third child. Quite exciting to be sure, as we had been trying for a year. That may not seem unusual to some, but to us it was quite different from our previous experiences. Within a couple of weeks came the usual morning sickness, fatigue, blah blah blah. I don't think that's news to any mama's out there. But then something else started to happen. At 8 weeks came the bleeding. Never had I experienced this with my other two pregnancies and I was extremely frightened. This was accompanied by severe cramping and pain in my lower abdomen. Naturally, we headed to the hospital (because these things can never happen during the day. They have to happen in the dead of night of course!)

An ultrasound showed that baby was fine, such a little peanut he was at that time (we had no idea it was a boy). But obviously not everything was quite right. So began our adventurous journey with more than ten ultrasounds and three doctors pulling us through this wagon ride of anxiety! I kept hearing "Goodness, I will just breathe so much easier once we get you to 26 weeks!" Thanks Doc... not making me feel superb here, but now I have a goal in mind. 26 weeks here we come!

I have to admit that seeing my boy on ultrasound so many times has helped me to get to know him so well I feel. Oh, but I'm forgetting to tell you what was going on. Silly me. My placenta seems to want to detach from my uterus. There was a large hemorrhage that was threatening abruption, and part of it had torn partially from the wall. This came with several other placenta "lakes" as they are called, small pockets of blood throughout the placenta. Extremely painful for me! Man oh man!!!

But my little guy is a fighter! I knew it from the very beginning. This kid was not giving up. And while I was (and am) very thankful for that I have to admit that sometimes I was in so much pain that I just thought, "what if it just ended. Right now. Would I be sorry?" And of course I would have been. There is no doubt about that.

I felt his first kicks at 9 weeks. Yes 9. And I knew that he was a boy. I just knew it. At 13 weeks we had an ultrasound that very much confirmed my suspicion. By that time he was doing all sorts of tricks inside of my belly. By about 20 weeks Jordan and the girls could watch and feel has he moved, kicked, and squirmed. It is still one of their favorite pastimes.

Today I am more than 26 weeks along, and so we are all "breathing easy". The hemorrhage has turned into a sizable but much less dangerous clot. I now have two other clots as well. But for right now, things are going well. There is a chance that my placenta could tear away because of those clots, as the baby gets bigger. But we're just taking it one day at a time. I have a strong feeling that this kid will hang on to the end.

By the way... his name is Joseph.

Our new year so far....

Hello friends! Been a while, no? I have 2 seconds of peace and quiet and am all caught up on homework for the moment (a brief moment to be certain). How is 2014 for you? For me it's gone a bit like this:

Yes. The picture of exhaustion.... Kourtney came down with a cold, Kloey seemed absolutely fine. Kourtney got worse and Kloey still had a cold. So, I thought, I'll just take them both in just to be safe. Doc says, "We need to test the for H1N1"..... I'm sorry, for what now? I didn't think they were THAT sick. I was wrong. Kourtney tested positive and so did Klo... but Klo also had Pneumonia, strep throat, and a double ear infection. My baby was very sick.

Fast forward to the next day. 24 hours on 3 different antibiotics for both of them and breathing treatments for Klo and Kourtney was feeling much better. But my Klo was taking a turn for the worst. To make a long story short, you know it's bad when the doctor can't hide the fear in his eyes. He said she needed to be taken to the hospital immediately in case they needed to make some "hard decisions". I was there with her by myself, but not really, because in that moment I felt the Lord holding me the way that I've never felt before. I cried a little but I didn't lose control, and I didn't have a breakdown the way that I thought I might. 

Three times this child has made me contemplate what my life would be like if I lost her. Let me tell you folks, there would be a hole in my heart the size of the ocean if I ever lost this baby. Of course the same is true for both of my children. But trust me, she is pure sunshine and happiness. She is love and acceptance. She is truth and knowledge. She is sublime.

This was the first two weeks of my new year. Eventually everyone got healthy and I thanked my Heavenly Father over and over and over again! Did I mention that these were the first two weeks of my new semester? Yeah, major suckville. Needless to say, I was gasping for breath while drowning in a sea of homework that seems to still be neverending.

And you should see my house!!!! Oh my heavens and stars. It's like someone came in and thought, "I don't want to steal anything. I just want to take all of their clean clothes, dirty 'em up, and strew them all about." Okay, so maybe half of them are washed and folded but zero of them are put away. I have giant piles in front of my washer, hampers overflowing with clean clothes, and NO time to put them away. I literally spend about 4 hours a day on Chemistry and I have accepted that getting a C in this class will be acceptable for me. If you know me at all, you know that I do NOT get C's. I am a straight A student. But you know what? I'd rather play with my babies. 

And lately, I have been overcome by this intense feeling of guilt about spending so much time on schoolwork and housework and so little time just enjoying their sweet faces. My imperfections are overwhelmingly evident over the course of one day. But yesterday I looked at everything that I was doing RIGHT. And I just want to put it out there for all of the mothers that feel imperfect...

• I'm not a morning mother. My daughter kept asking me to make breakfast for like a week straight. Finally, I resigned to making cinnamon rolls at night so that I didn't have to start the day off with a guilty, less than perfect feeling. Did she know whether they were made at night or in the morning? Nope. And she didn't care.
• I was late to school yesterday (about 30 seconds but still lost 3 points for it) because I decided to snuggle my baby in the morning. Kourtney doesn't snuggle anymore but the Klo does, so I sat and enjoyed her warm softness.
• When I came home from school I goofed around with my husband instead of being cranky because of how stressed I was about all of my schoolwork. 
• Kourtney went to dance class yesterday and I sat in the car and sang to Klo Bow during the whole thing. She thought I was pretty special for that.
• When we got home I made Kourtney's favorite dinner, spaghetti. I was her hero (never mind that it's one of the easiest meals on the planet... it's her favorite). 
• Again, I ignored homework and got down on the floor with her to color a picture. I don't remember the last time I did that. 
• Daddy got home and played with them so I finally got to do my homework and you know what? I got my first 100% on a Chemistry quiz. And I got all of my homework for the day done in record time. It pays to play.
• Because all of my homework was done I was able to sit down and watch a movie with my honey pie after the kiddos were asleep. 
• We all slept through the night soundly.

Be the best mom that you can be. Take it day by day.

Much love!!!!!