Losing her

Here we are at the end of another Down Syndrome Awareness month. We've shared pictures, stories, and videos to educate people everywhere on Down Syndrome and those that are labeled with it. For this final post I wanted to speak out on something that I am very passionate about.

Giving your Down's baby a chance....

Stick with me here. Statistics are still in the 90% range of women who choose to abort when it becomes clear that their unborn child has Down Syndrome. Just think of that statement. Their unborn child HAS Down Syndrome. Not WILL have... but HAS. And my question would be why? After looking through my blogs for the past thirty days have we not all witnessed that my Kloey's life has great value and she herself possesses great potential for many wonderful things? Do we look unhappy and burdened with the weight of her? Does she look unhappy, difficult, or of no worth? Does Kourtney seem to shun her sister.... would she be better off without her?

Of course those questions seem a little ridiculous but I'm serious. Let's just give you something to chew on here...

I begged God to give me a child with a normal chromosome count. For some reason I was convinced that this life would be too much, too hard for me. Countless thoughts ran through my mind... she would never leave home, she'd always be with us, forever!.... she would face ridicule and unfair treatment from others.... Kourtney would miss out on a "normal" sister experience....there would be too many health issues... And honestly, I think that I was afraid of the label it would give our family. Shamefully so, I admit it.

And for the first day of her life you know what? I couldn't look at her. Slap me right across the face someone, PLEASE!!!

But when I finally did, my prayers changed.

There she was... the child that grew from nothing to something living inside of me for so many months. The child that needed the sound of MY voice, MY heartbeat, MY love. And I wasn't giving it to her. For so many shallow and selfish reasons, I wasn't giving it to her. But seeing her at her worst was too much for me to care about me anymore. This wasn't about me... this is HER life. It isn't up to me to say what HER life is going to be, how valuable, how much potential she will or will not have.

And then I was so afraid. I was afraid that I would never be able to bring her home. I was afraid that she would just stop breathing and I would never get to see her smile, watch her grow, help her learn, play with her, or hear her sweet giggles or even her cries. I begged and pleaded with God some more. But this time I begged FOR HER. Whatever was best for her was what I wanted. But please please please let her live. Give her to me. I WILL love her!!! Just give her to me!!!

Fast forward two years. Not too long ago, about two months in fact, we could have lost her again. Over a simple allergic reaction that the ER doctor didn't catch because he assumed that a swollen tongue was just her normal tongue.... because of her DS. Even when I assured him otherwise. He ignored the dangerous signs of her low oxygen counts (in the 60's folks instead of the 90's where they should be). We were sent home.

That night she grew increasingly worse. She screamed and screamed and I didn't know what to do but I sensed that something was terribly wrong with her. Something was not right and it was in fact very scary. She started gasping for breath and gasping and gasping. She just couldn't breathe and I had no idea what to do! So, I prayed.

The very real possibility of losing my child was in the forefront of my mind. I cried and I begged and I pleaded to know what to do, to know how to help her. I begged for Him to give her to me and promised with everything in my heart that I would always always always cherish and love her. Just PLEASE let me keep her.

And He did. Jordan figured it out and we were able to help her heal. I didn't sleep for a week straight just so that I could be absolutely positive that she was going to be alright. And she was. And I cried sweet tears of relief and joy.

My views have completely changed. She does need me, it is true, but our family NEEDS HER!!! She glues us together, she brings love and joy and sweet happiness into our lives. And yes, she really is just like other children. She throws tantrums (miniature ones at best), she plays, she dances, and she learns. She learns at a slower rate, but it all eventually comes.

.....My point is this. I thought that I knew what her life was going to be like. I thought that I knew exactly who she was. I thought that I knew that I wasn't cut out for it. But I didn't know what her life would bring. I didn't know who she was. Apparently I am cut out for it. And I still don't know what her life is going to bring.

She deserves a chance. She deserves a LIFE. She deserves a mother's unconditional love. She deserves acceptance. She deserves to have a VOICE!

Give them LIFE! Give them a Chance!!!

Thanks for following...
Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month!!!!