Words wise

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On to today's post. I have  been wondering and pondering on how best to approach today's subject. I've actually been thinking about it for more than a month. Normally I just spill it out. But this, I feel, is a bit more delicate. To me it is just common sense. But I have recently found that not everyone sees it as such. And that is the point of my pondering and posting about it. To raise a bit more awareness on using the word "retarded". A sensitive subject for sure.

The actual dictionary definition of retardation is: slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc.

Retardation is an actual clinical diagnosis used for people that do have feelings. My daughter is, technically, retarded. That should not be such a derogatory term to use on her behalf. Because it is simply the clinical truth. Children born with Down Syndrome have some level, mild to severe, of retardation. So, yes, I find that word offensive.

Growing up, my parents always taught me that this word was never to be used and flung around without second thought. God love them for their wisdom. How wonderful a preparation for me today. When I was a child I didn't quite understand what the big deal was. So one day I decided to use it. Well, I used it in front of my uncle, my dear uncle who is mentally retarded. Maybe I thought that he didn't notice, or possibly that he wouldn't care. Quickly I learned what the big deal was. Right after I said it he said, "hey! don't say that word." and he looked so incredibly hurt. I will never forget that. 

The fact of the matter is this... there are so many other words in the dictionary that you can use to describe someone who might be acting dumb, silly, goofy, sluggish, ludricous, idiotic... just pick one. 

My daughter is mentally retarded. My uncle is as well. I have two others, very dear to me, that are as well. Would you say, "that's gay" in front of a gay person. No. It is offensive. So just don't say it at all. There are so many more examples that I could give on that front but I think you get the idea. Don't sit in the same room as my child and I and fling around the word retarded. It just simply isn't nice.

On another point: Kloey IS mentally retarded. When I say that do not be appalled. Many people, when I approach them about the use of this word, are just shocked that I would call my daughter something so offensive. I've even had people tell me that I need to check my facts because that is not what the word means. Really people? Really? Just go buy a dictionary. You're using it in the wrong way, not me. Please do not attack me when I gently attempt to correct you. Never would I approach anyone in an accusatory or judgmental way. We all slip up and say insensitive things without realizing or thinking about it. This is dear to my heart and honestly, I never want my daughter's feelings to be crushed when that word is being flung around so carelessly... especially by those that she should feel completely comfortable around. 

I hope that I touched base on this in the most tactful way that I could. Really, I do not want to hurt feelings or point fingers. Awareness just needs to be raised. Next time you are tempted to use that word in a demeaning way, just stop and think... then CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY. 

A milestone

How exciting it is when Klo Bow accomplishes something... anything... it doesn't matter what it is. This morning Jordan put her in her chair and gave her some chocolate chex (my kids are addicted). She ran out of said chex. (THE HORROR) So she hollered at me a couple of times but I didn't get the hint. Apparently my kid is neglected. But then I looked at her to see what the problem was and she looked straight at me, then down at her plate, then tapped the plate with her little bitty index finger, and smiled up at me. HOW STINKIN' CUTE IS THAT?!!! I swear I probably woke the neighbors with my cheers of sheer joy! What a wonderful moment for us.

Some might think, "what's the big deal, I don't get it?". The big deal is that my child communicated with me in a way that she has never done before. She knew EXACTLY what she wanted and figured out a great way to ask for it. She made her wants known and she made them perfectly clear. I could not have mistaken that finger tap for any other thing. It was as if she looked at me and said, "more chex, please". PRAISE THE HEAVENS!!! Sometimes I get discouraged and I start allowing myself to wonder; will she ever call me Mama; will she ever know Jordan is Dada; she's going to walk, right?; I'm teaching her to sign, why isn't she picking any of it up??? And those are totally natural feelings. Sometimes I feel as if other mothers must just be better teachers because many Downs babies are much further along than she is. But then, I have to always remind myself that Klo is Klo. She is not any other child. Therefore, it will never be fair to compare her to other children, even other Downs children, because she is her own person. It is okay that she is progressing at a slower rate. I don't want to mainstream her. I don't want to push her to be like everybody else. Because that is unrealistic. She is Kloey. She has an extra chromosome. In some areas she has much more than anyone else. And in other areas, she has just decided to take her time. And we all love her for exactly who she is. Besides, the little milestones wouldn't mean as much if we didn't have to work SO hard for them.

 Spaghetti and Christmas movie night at the Hansen's:
Kourtney decided to eat delicately....
Kloey had other ideas.

On a final note. We were invited to a playgroup today with some church friends. It was our first time and I was pretty excited to go... nervous too as meeting new people is always a bit nerve racking. Kourtney cried and whined for the first half an hour. Joy. She kept saying, "I don't want to share my toys... I don't like these friends... I want to go home to my Daddy". Imagine that in the most annoying, whiny, four year old girl voice and you've got a pretty good idea of what I was dealing with. These gals are super nice, so it's not like I had a huge reason to be embarrassed but come on, is that not annoying??? I don't care who you are... that's annoying. Eventually she warmed up and started having a fabulous time and that allowed me to actually join the adult conversation. I found that I was really enjoying everyone and feeling very welcome and that was very nice for me. They invited me to another play group and a girls' night out date. Yay! Then it was time to go home. As everyone is cleaning up we realize that two children are missing. Bet you can't guess whose kid was gone! That's right, MINE! Splendid. It's not like she hasn't done this before. She just runs around and hides or gets lost somewhere in the building and it takes about 2 minutes to find her. No worries, right? Wrong. We searched that building for 10 minutes and nothing! By this time me and the other mom (her little boy was the other kid missing) well, we're starting to freak out a bit. So, she goes outside and I start running around, checking every closet, bathroom, and speck of dust! 5 minutes later I hear someone shout my name. I turn the corner and there they are. She then proceeds to tell me, "they were outside by the road... the one that is always really busy". To which Kourtney replies, "we just wanted to take a walk". I was so scared and angry and relieved all mixed into one. I wanted to scold her, and I wanted to cry, and I wanted to hug her. So I did all three. Then the guilt set in. I'm the new one. It was my first time. And my kid and one of their's decides to run off. Great first impression, Steph. Fantastic. They were, of course, very sweet about it. But I was embarrassed, oh so embarrassed. The little boy had no coat or jacket on. Kourtney did. Luckily, I am still invited to the next playgroup and they have yet to kick me out of the girls' night date. WHEW. Seriously, scariest thing ever. I had to have a "kidnapping" talk with Kourtney. She just wasn't understanding (or caring about) the whole, "you can't go outside without Mommy or Daddy". Even when the danger of cars hitting her were thrown in there. Oh goodness. Gotta love my kid.

Singin' a Song

Kourtney absolutely looves to sing!!! This makes me extremely happy since I am a pretty big singer myself. Yesterday she was singing along to her Disney princess cd and was being quite creative with her words. Seeing as how she didn't know any of the words, she just sang "I don't know" to the tune of the song. I watch this video over and over, and it just gets funnier every single time. Be sure to watch to the very end, as the BEST parts are at the end. Much love! And Happy Monday!!!

By the way, she wouldn't let us record her. So, we had to be sneaky and just leave the camera turned on in the room. 

The goose is getting FAT

Christmas is officially upon us! We put our tree up today, as soon as we got out of bed this morning. I must say that it was SO much fun, mainly because Kourtney was so thrilled by the whole concept. She was very into getting out the decorations and playing with them more than hanging them up. She was just a lot of fun. Kloey just rolled around to get to all of the different ornaments that were strewn about the floor. When we turned on the tree lights she was just enthralled! It was a special moment for us in the Hansen household.

 Kourtney picked out her clothing for the day. She's rather independent and insistent.

Haha!!! I got you!!!

I just have one question that has been on my mind for days... When did my four year old get so... BIG?!!!
Really, she just talks and talks and talks. And she makes COMPLETE SENSE! She's not just jabbering and she repeats EVERYTHING!!! Oh my goodness. We really have to be careful. And her imagination is through the roof. She says the funniest things. And she makes up her own songs. SERIOUSLY?!!! When did this happen?  Here are some funny Kourtney-isms.

• Are you kiddin' me right now?
• I told you Mom, I told you!
• Daddy, my mommy say no but... (that never works)
• How about I get twelve-y minutes. (I try telling her that 20 minutes is more than 12-y... basically because 12-y is non existent)
• Gangnam Style! (yeah, that's a new one)

There are so many more but I just can't seem to remember all of them. She is difficult because she is so smart. She tries to bargain her way out of everything. Gotta give the girl credit. She's pretty good at it. She doesn't ever really win but she gives it her best shot. And her favorite thing??? Posing for pictures and dancing!!! Love her!

 She wanted to hold Kloey. I love her!

 Helping with the tree. Such a big girl.

And posing of course!!!

Hard/Easy

Hello all! Here we are in our new home and we are totally loving it! It is quite small for a family of four but we are finding that it's super cozy! We are just in love with it! Nothing like going a few weeks without a place of your own to make you really appreciate finally getting one.

So, today I want to focus on something that's been eating at me. Actually, there are several things that have been eating at me... but all in due time. The subject of annoyance today; anyone that is not raising a child with Down Syndrome that says to me that I have no need to be upset because it's not hard. Please, go ahead and kick me while I'm down... throw a little mud on top of me while you're at it.
Truly, Kloey is an angel of a child. She's happy, friendly, smiley, hardly cries without purpose, and is very snuggly. That being said, this is a hardship for me. My child has a mental and physical delay. The older she gets, the more obvious that delay is. Even compared to other downs kids her age she is very delayed. Who wouldn't be sad about that? When I watch a child half of Kloey's age doing things that, technically, she "should" be doing, I get sad. My heart twists inside of me. When I realize that she doesn't understand something as simple as waving bye-bye, then it is sad. When I realize that, mentally, she is at the level of a 6 month old then it is sad. Right now she is fairly easy to deal. But she is a baby folks! Do you honestly believe that the toddler years won't be difficult? When she knows that she should be able to communicate with us and realizes that she can't... do you think that will not be hard? When children her age are walking and she can't.. do you think that will be easy? Do you think that it is easy for her to go through therapy every single week to learn things that come so easily to other children? Do you think that it wasn't difficult when it took her 5 months to learn how to hold her head? An accomplishment that most babies achieve by at least 2 months.
Then there are the constant thoughts of what the future holds for my baby. Only a very naive person would think, "Oh, everyone loves a child that has Downs. No one will be cruel to her because you can see that she has a disability". Really? Then obviously you have never been a part of the real world. People with any form of mental or physical disability tend to be rejected and shunned a lot more than most people. It is a fact of life. They are largely misunderstood and even feared. It is unfortunate but it is true. Of course, there are those high schools and what not that vote a downs girl into the position of homecoming queen, etc. But that doesn't happen very often. That is why it makes headline news folks. Because it is news, not common place.
Kloey is my blessing and my trial. Do not downplay what I go through everyday. It is not nice. To tell me to stop struggling with something that is very hard for me is hurtful. To tell me that it is "silly" to worry about such things that I worry about is quite rude. Honestly, comments like that make me feel very guilty about my natural feelings. Now, I love my baby. There is no doubt about that. Do not take this post as a complaint against my fate of having a daughter with Down Syndrome, because I would never change that. Not ever. But, just because I choose to see the light and the blessings in this does not mean that it is easy. It is not easy. This is hard for me for a lot of very different reasons. She is not hard for me. She is my darling. She is my angel. She is my light.
Much love.

5 years

November 24, 2007
Pic: not from the date above.

On this day five years ago, I married my best friend. Today, he means so much more to me than I ever imagined he could. A marriage like our's is truly and honestly rare and hard to find. Jordan, this is what you mean to me:

• Comfort. In knowing who I am, what I want, the person I am trying to become.
• Security. To know that I can always be who I am, and never ever have to apologize for that.
• Trust. A more loyal and loving man would be impossible to come by. Honestly, I never knew a man could be so wonderful, so thoughtful, so trustworthy.
• Warmth and snuggles. Let's be honest. Are you not one of the biggest snugglers of all time?!! I believe you enjoy it more than I do. Thanks for that. 
• Home. No matter where we are, no matter who we are with, I know that when you hold me in your arms, I am HOME.
• Silly-ness. This trait that we share is actually not as common as we always thought that it was. I'm as silly with you as I've ever been with anyone. That's pretty goofy stuff. And, I have to say, you kind of trump me in the silly department. Let's keep that going... FOREVER. Because our life together is never ever boring.
• Funny fighting. By this I mean, when I am trying my darndest to stay mad at you and you won't allow it. When you just start smiling and trying to poke me, then tell me that I'm not mad. Melts me every time. Dang you!
• Father. Never in my life have I witnessed a man more dedicated to his children. You know, they love you, they adore you, they cherish their time with you. How could they not? They are your princesses and don't they know it! Side note: thank you for taking it upon yourself to do more of the disciplining. That way, I get to be the good guy sometimes too. You will never know how great that is for me.
• Husband. The best that there has ever been. I know that when I wake up in the morning, I am going to see more love in your eyes than I did the day before. Hopefully, you know how wonderful that is for me. Hopefully, you know how comfortable that makes me. 
• Service. Not only do you try your hardest to serve others, but you begin in our home. Serving us, your family, is your number one priority. We know that and we love it. Thank you.
• Annoying. Come on, I had to throw that one in there. Because, I just did. But, don't be discouraged... you're annoying in the "he's too stinkin' happy this early in the morning" kind of way. 
• Handsome. I never thought that it would be possible, but I am way more attracted to you now, 5 years later, than I was when we were dating. And, you know, that seems pretty darn near impossible. ;)
• Kind. Never do you show me anything but kindness and understanding. How do you do that? How do you always see the best in me? 
• Patience. You live with me and our two daughters. Need I say more?
• Love. You are my love. You are my world. Together, we just make sense. I just can't say much more than that here... because words cannot describe the way my life lights up when you smile at me... or the way my heart still flutters when you walk in the door... or the way I seem to melt into you when you kiss me. I love you Jordan Hansen.

I know that our time together has just begun. But, five years feels so long because we have both changed so much. Thank you... thank you for a wonderful five years... thank you for being my best friend.... thank you for asking me to marry you... and thank you for always loving me.  And thank you... for all of the wonderful years yet to come.

Happy Anniversary to my love.

New goal

So, starting now I will be keeping up with my blog. Twice a week folks. You will be hearing from this crazy lady at least two times every week. Be excited.