To Be a Good Mother

What makes someone a "good" mother? What a loaded question right? Well, for all of you mothers out there, do you feel like you're a good mother? I think that many of us would be stumped if asked this question in an actual conversation. But why? Why should we have to question our worth as moms? There are so many reasons why we do... and so many reasons why we SHOULDN'T!!!

As mothers today we are bombarded by what I am going to call "pinterest" ideas of motherhood. The homemade cleaners, the rock-hard bodies, the perfectly groomed children, the beautiful home-cooked meals, the flawless skin, the list goes on and on and on!

What do we get out of that? We get a bunch of mothers working their tushies off and still coming up short. There are so many guidelines as to what a good mother is/should be/would be/blah blah blah. Let me just list off a few things that have been following me around like a dark storm cloud of personal insecurity since I became a mother.
To be a good mother you must:

• Keep a perfectly clean home
• Not just a perfectly clean home, but it must also be completely "baby-proofed"
• Your child really should be eating organic, home-mashed baby food
• Formula is the root of all evil for infants. You must breastfeed. No excuses. Just do it.
• Establish a sleep schedule for your baby by the time they are 6 weeks old
• Personal hygiene must never slack. Keep yourself perfectly groomed.
• Exercise. Your body should be swimsuit model perfect. If it's not... tsk tsk tsk
• You must feed your family only homemade things. But things must also have fun colors, faces, designs, smells, and be perfectly attractive to the most picky of toddlers
• TV is a nonononononononononnononononono
• Your child must know their abc's by the age of 2
• They must be able to count to 20 by the age of 2
• You might as well throw a foreign language in there by age 3
• Extracurricular activities should begin as soon as possible
• Never mind practicality, your children should ooze with the latest clothing and shoe fashions
• Throwing tantrums in the grocery store over a bag of gummy worms must mean that you as a parent are not living up to everything that you should be in your child's life
• Never raise your voice; children learn through patience, love, and understanding

Could we not keep going on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever?!!!!!

After almost 5 years of trying to live up to everyone else's standards of motherhood I just decided that I was too doggone exhausted! I've been beating myself up over this list and wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I do all of these awesome Mom things? Well, because they're not all realistic. You have to be the kind of Mom that you were born to be. So, here's my realistic good mom list:

• Keep your home live-able. There should not be any rodents, bugs, molds, health hazards, etc. It does not have to gleam and sparkle. If you have young children and your house gleams and sparkles then you have probably committed a crime... by locking your children in a closet and therefore keeping them away from everything in your home.
• "Baby-proof" your home. Make sure there are no blinds strings hanging down so that baby can hurt themselves; put all wires and such out of baby's reach so that baby does not fry itself; knives should be kept in a high drawer; scissors should be hidden at all times (mainly for safety of hair length)
• Feed your child on a regular basis. If you are out and about and feel like stopping off at the fast food play-place for a burger and fries and 20 minutes of children out of your hair... do your thang!
• Breast is best, it is true. But let's be honest, some mothers just cannot do it. Some babies can't do it! My first was allergic to my breastmilk. And I know some mothers that couldn't handle the baby on the breast idea. Whatever. Formula is fine. What is most important is that you are feeding your baby, bonding with them, and loving them. Breastfeed whenever possible but do not feel guilty if it just doesn't work!!!
• Make sure your baby gets enough sleep. Do not try to force a schedule on them. psh. I tried that with my almost 5 year old and most nights she still doesn't sleep through the night. However, my 18 month old has been sleeping through the night since she was 6 or 7 weeks old. Every child is different. You do what's right for your's.
• Personal hygiene: shower when you can, shave your legs when you can't stand it anymore or when your children aren't opening the shower curtain every 2 minutes, remember to put deodorant on, pretty yourself up as often as you feel necessary, just don't let yourself get stinky... if you stink... you've gone too far.
• I'm all for home-cooked meals and feeding your family wonderfully nutritious things. But come on... Life happens. Sometimes you just cannot muster up the energy to make a fabulous meal from scratch. So cheat a little. Whatever that means for you, pulling out mac and cheese, or ordering pizza, going out. Whatever. It's just whatever.
• As far as television goes. I'm not gonna lie, my kids watch a lot of television and Kourtney plays her fair share of PBS Kids online games. Kloey is addicted to Sesame Street and they both love playing with my I-phone. And it all keeps me sane. We still interact and play as a family. We do that a lot. We are home together 24-7. I have homework, and housework, and lots of kinds of work. I can't just play every minute of every day.
• Knowing abc's and 123's will come when it comes. Don't make a huge deal out of it. When your child wants to learn it they will learn it. Some catch on really quickly and others don't. Don't sweat it.
• Extracurricular activities.... I know many mom's who will start this at the age of 2 or younger. I tried that with my Kourtney and she still isn't ready for it. Each child is different. Don't feel like they have to do what every other child is doing. Embrace their unique-ness.
• Fashion for small children. Come on. We all know what happens to children's clothes and shoes. Don't spend tons of time and money making sure your child has the latest of the latest and the best of the best. IT WILL GET RUINED!!! Mark my words. Puke, mud, poop, food, juice... it all happens. We all want our children to look nice of course. They just don't have to be top of the line fashionistas all day everyday. They are children. Let them be children.
• And tantrums... they happen to the best of us. I don't let stares from on-lookers affect me anymore. I just walk away and say, "Okay, you cry about that and I'll see you later... or not... your choice". Normally, this ceases all crying and produces a panicked frenzy of "don't leave me Mom" syndrome.
• and last but certainly not least, sometimes we raise our voice. Sometimes these little angels sent to us from Heaven just get on our last stinkin' nerve! Fabulous and wonderful as they are... it happens.... it happens to all of us. Reign it in, resolve to do better next time, and move on. Put it in the past and let it be. When it happens again (and it will) repeat the before-mentioned process. 

My point is that we can just do and be the best that we are capable of individually. You do not have to create elaborate home-packed lunches for your child everyday just to prove that you are a fabulous mother. Truth is, they will probably remember the chore days, family laughs, movie nights, mom chillin' in sweats and not letting anything get to her much more than the perfectly sculpted abs, hand-carved napkin holders, hours of cake decorating, etc. etc. etc.

Be the best you. The rest will all fall into place. Wake up every morning with a determination to be better than you were the day before, to be more patient, loving, playful. That is the mark of a great mother. Don't let anyone tell you differently.