Scared but not afraid: Stuff Steph can't tell you that i know. by Jordan

Scared, but not afraid.. if thats possible. So the deadline is getting closer for the surgery and were getting more and more prepared. yesterday we got a new toy box for all of Kourtneys little toys and miscellaneous things, her parents gave us a couch that will help a lot and be more comfortable during recovery, we got a bed that helps as well, and i'm able to go to bed a little earlier and wake up earlier. still, we have a lot to take care of but im not too worried about it. My poor wifey, for the second time in 6 years needs to undergo neck surgery. Neck surgery is one of the most difficult there is. Unlike going in and, snip snip here, snip snip there, tie it off dab dab, stitch stitch, done, there actually going to have to asses the previous surgery, and find out what the problem was. then they'll have to fix, readjust, re staple, and re screw everything together. Then the real surgery begins. they'll have to find the new problem which is under the last problem, from the vertebra c4 to t2. So they'll have to start by taking bone out of the other side of her hip which they place aside for later. That scar will always hurt to the touch. then they have to get all these metal plates and screws and everything and fuse all of those vertebra together. which is a very long, delicate, extremely precise procedure. it includes very sensitive nerves that travel through out the entire body and one of the body's biggest blood

vessels. they literally have to be drilling and fusing and putting new bone in place all around these fragile parts. im not sure exactly what goes on during those 4-5 precious hours (thats from thee time she goes under, and only if everything goes perfectly smoothly) so after countless cat scans m.r.i.'s x-rays, doctors visits, phone calls, and days of extreme pain that i'll probably never experience, the surgery is over but then the real fun begins! from there 1 week in the hospital

in the old peoples part of the hospital with mean grumpy nears' hours away from friends, family, or edible food, especially since they don't even know how to spell celiac disease(haha neither does this things word perfect.). so then she finally gets to go from the bed at the hospital to the bed at home, were she'll be for a minimum of 30 days! then from there she can move to the couch every so often, YAY! and soon (2-3 months) she wont need help to eat or bathe! and hey it wont be long till she can hold her little one year baby daughter, and about 5-6 months before she can pick her up. the emotional sadness could be worse than the pain itself. so after many more months of physical and emotional pain, and about 1,000,000's of pills, her pain will go from a 15 out of 10 to a 5 out of 10, yay! i don't think I or most of us have ever had more than a 2 or 3 in our entire lives, Ive certainly never sobbed by myself for days at a time at the pain. my wifey is so wonderful. lately we have learned to understand each other so well, and it will definitely nice to be able to use that during these next..many months. she helps us stay so close to our heavenly father, and she is probably the bestest and most wonderful wife and mother ever. I don't deserve her thats for sure. i would do anything for her, through thick and thin. we know the risks of this huge procedure, it could make the situation worse, paralysis, and even other unimaginable things are possible, but like i said, i'm afraid but not scared. or was it the other way around. in any case we both know that God is on our side. If there is one thing I know,no matter what your going through, no matter who you are or what you've done, God is always on your side, all of ours' side! i Know that to be true. I have so many blessings, and would never want it any other way. I hope i didn't scare you my wifey. i know you are scared but i also know that you are the most brave and faithful woman i could have ever met. thanks for believing in me and loving me so much. Happy Valentines day!