oKaY OkaY

Haha... no more "dead me". Gosh Mindy!!! lol. ok... so today... oi! what a day!!!! we didn't get any pics here's our schedule today!!!....

9 am... leave for st. louis after no sleep at all!!!! (sleeping in a brace isn't really sleeping)

9-12.... drive to st. louis with a screaming banshee in the back seat

12 pm... arrive at the doctor (on time for once) the doc is in the OR.... can't see us at the moment GREAT!!!

1 pm... after waiting for the doc... go eat at the hospital cafeteria... with a wild gorilla loose (I think it's name was Kourtney.... it was just a coincidence... I swear it wasn't mine)

2 pm... go back up to the doc's office, he's not there, Jordan says to leave, I say "I drove 3 hours to see my doctor... I'm not leaving" 2 seconds later, in he comes.

2:15 ish.... he sees us first! he loves me :) (seriously, couldn't have asked for a better doc, he HAS known me since i was 15 though)

2:15-2:45 ish.... he asks me what my questions are... and laughs at me when I ask if I can take my neckbrace off. not kidding! My face falls as I dare to ask what my restrictions are... and if i can at least take my brace off SOMETIMES. he says he'll compromise... I can take if off when I sleep... well, that's good. But really, I don't know.

2:45... he sends us down for x-rays (while shaking Jordan's hand and telling him to take care of me, very fatherly like, it made me giggle!)

3 pm... after x rays... we're off to the zoo! St. Louis has the best zoo ever!!!! We tried to leave Kourtney with the monkies... she just fit in so well, ya know! lol

3-5..... we have the best time ever, 75 degrees... Kourtney happy... tons of animals and sunshine... couldn't get better!!!! (and I finally got some exercise!!!) I've been feeling lazy and fat!

5-8... drive home with Kourtney snoozing in the back seat 3/4 of the way home.... and mommy in sooooo much pain that she can barely talk to daddy.

all in all.... THE BEST DAY I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!! and really, i'm not joking. my doctor may have crushed my hopes a bit, but he said everything looks close to perfection!!! YAYYYY!!!!! that made me happy. and I spent the day with my two favorite people! I learned that my daughter is hitting the terrible two's and that it's funny and frustrating all at the same time. But, in the end, she never wins with tantrums.... and her manners always come back!

AND... sunshine makes me happy!!!!

surgery and KOURTNEY

WHAT A MONTH WE'VE HAD!!!! March 3, we got up bright and early (3 am for me), just for me to shower with yucky iodine smelly stuffs, and head out for St. Louis!!! After a completely stupid guy stuck me twice to get my i.v. right... my doctor came in. ( I say stupid, b/c he stuck me THREE more times after I was put out, just for ONE i.v.!!!) Anyhoo, my doc came in and informed me that he thought it better that we operate through the front, not the back.... shorter recovery, only fusing C6 to C7, rather than C6 to T2, all that jazz. So, he talked to us for about 45 minutes about the differences and what to expect.... of course, there was the risk to my vocal chords (I haven't gotten my singing voice back yet, but it's on the mend) But he informed me that he had never damaged someone's vocal chords... so, we said "go for it!" ( this was all done while Jordan had his head between his knees, white as a ghost, after watching the iv get stuck into me twice)
So, it's been a long road from there. There's been physical pain, emotional pain, personal space invasion, irritation, agitation, frustration.... blah blah blah. I fear I've been somewhat of a witch...if you get my drift. I've cried for not being able to hold Kourtney EVER!!! I've cried because my husband couldn't hold me, to comfort me. I've cried because I'm watching other people clean my house, and do what I'm supposed to be doing.... my goodness, I really want this to be over! BUT... I can lift Kourtney a couple of times a day now, I still can't bend over much...at all. I am doing some house work, I can't stand for too long, but taking a shower no longer hurts.... I just can't wait to be out of this neck brace!!!!!!

KOURTNEY.... enough about me.... let's talk about my kid! She is soooo smart. I never thought that I'd have such a smart kid. I'm not kidding. She says a new word everyday. She certainly loved getting to know her Grandma Loretta! Those two were quite the pair! Since I've been "out of order" she has started to use sign language. she knows...

blanket, mommy, daddy, eat, more, ball, baby (her absolute favorite), go, stop, cereal, sleep (which normally brings tears), I know there's more... I just can't remember.

The thing that gets me, is that she actually UNDERSTANDS AND USES them!!! Rather than whining yesterday for her blanket, she did the sign for it! I was so proud (especially that I knew what she was asking for lol). Oh my goodness, and her favorite thing in the whole world is giving kisses. She will give anyone kisses. I have to stop her at the grocery store from puckering up to complete strangers. YIKES! But I love that she is so lovey! I love when she runs through the house saying, "Daddy, Daddy".... I love when she looks at me and says "baby" and does the coordinating sign... I love when she says, "Looky" and points to complete randomness... and I love that she still loves me, even though it would appear that I'm neglecting her! OH! AAANNNDDD..... SHE CAN OPEN DOORS!!! yeah... found that out when I was going to the bathroom, with a house full of people, and the door pops open and Kourtney (looking all sorts of triumphant) says, "HELLO!!!" NICE.

Jordan is working on a film this spring... a real film. He's so excited about it. He's already read the whole script, that's a big deal for Jordan. It's a long script. He's done more reading than me this month! lol. I'm excited for him to get this experience under his belt. He's so creative and he's constantly thinking of things to do with film. He's currently working on his own script, which is coming along rather nicely. I love that man. I feel very blessed to have him by my side, especially at this time, when most would just shrink away! anyhoo.... this is long enough :)

now

We decided to do the surgery from the front. It makes for a much better recovery... why didn't we decide to do that in the first place??? Well, there was a 12% chance (give or take) that it would permanently damage my vocal chords. Singing is my passion. I'm good at it, at times I'm great. Not everyone has heard my voice at its full potential.... but it's something to be proud of. I'm only saying this, not to be conceited, but because I was so desperately afraid that I was going to lose it.

I prayed and prayed that my vocal chords would be fine (along with everything else of course). And.... no damage. Now, I'm going to use them. Now, I'm going to get over my fear of singing in front of others. Now, I'm going to sing sing sing my heart out forever!!!!!! Now I'm going to use the talent that God gave to me, and not be afraid (I'm sure that part will take a while) but I WILL do it!!!!!!!!

hard

It's hard to look at my baby and know that I can't hold her.... that it would hurt me if I hold her. I can barely be around her, she just moves too much. I miss her. I miss making her laugh and playing with her.... now she looks at me as if i'm a stranger. .....i miss her :(

Here we go...

My last post for a while... here's what's going on right now...

Jordan took me to the temple (the best session I've ever been to) I needed that!

My little bro is in the hospital and isn't getting any better! It's so sad to see him in so much pain and so uncomfortable... he's four and they think he has kawasaki disease

I have to get up at 3 am to shower (with special cleansing stuff) and we're off at 4 am

then it's a long, painful, uncomfortable, humiliating road from there.

I sure do appreciate the thoughts, prayers, and comments from everyone! love you all!!!

this week

this week has a plan... and is yet a mystery to me.... what will it be like???

today we came home from church to discover a leak in the ceiling, leaking directly onto our computer and another one in Kourtney's closet onto her clothes. I'm sorry, I lied.. there were two leaks on our computer. fun. tomorrow I drive to St. Louis to do "pre-testing" as it is called. I get poked and prodded in preparation for surgery. tuesday I'm preparing the house, grocery shopping, making list upon list and getting my hubby all ready (and everyone else that will be at my house) for the time in which I will be incapacitated :( Wednesday we leave at 4 am to arrive in St. Louis by 6:30 am to get surgery at 8:30 am....

What's the mystery???

I'm scared. What will it be like this time around? What if the unthinkable happens? What if I become paralyzed? All of these what-if's that I wasn't afraid of before... I'm afraid of them now. The scary thing is that they're completely valid fears!!! I'm scared to be in a hospital without my husband... while he and my daughter are two and half hours away. Honestly, I'm scared to death of recovery. I remember what it was like last time, it was sooooo hard! It was so frustrating, humiliating, just all together sucked!!!

I pray everyday that everything will go okay, and that my intense fear will cease. It works, but the fear always comes back... I'm not sure why. I've thought that maybe surgery isn't necessary, but the way my neck has been lately, I know that it is necessary! I'm so glad for the support that I'm getting. Everyone is so great! Jordan, Mom, Angie, my other Mom... and everyone that calls, prays, thinks of us... it is all so greatly appreciated. I'm scared, but I feel very blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and family!

How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have Kids

I totally stole this from another blog I follow... it was just too funny not to steal and share. :)

How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have Kids

My dear friend Alyssa decided to give me this "test" AFTER I was already pregnant and I was due in less than 2 weeks. Going a week over my due date doesn't sound that bad anymore!

Enjoy!

- Mess Test

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

- Toy Test

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

- Grocery Store Test

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

- Dressing Test

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

- Feeding Test

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

- Night Test

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

- Ingenuity Test

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

- Automobile Test

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There, perfect!

- Physical Test (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.

- Physical Test (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

- Final Assignment

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

And here is another...

1st, 2nd, and 3rd Child

- Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

- Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember breathing
didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

-The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean &discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

-Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up
the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when their wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.

-Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you
can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with
some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

-Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need
it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

- Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby
Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

- Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.

- At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

- Swallowing Coins:

1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
coin to pass.
3rd child: when third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!