Rising Bar

Jordan is really encouraging me to start a little photography thing. Yyeeaaahhh... I want to, I really do. I just don't feel like I'm good enough. Or that my camera is professional-ish. I love love love taking pictures!!!!!! But, I don't know if I can really charge people for this... I have a lot of insecurities... I don't know. I'm not the most talented (nothing like some sister of mine *cough cough*) But who's comparing? ;) But really, I could really use some advice on this.

*SIGH*

Some days I kill myself with the pool full of emotions that seems to start overflowing. It is on these days that I am so full of emotion that I can't even seem to put it into a poem or even sing it out of myself. It's not anger, resentment, hurt, or anything negative. Today it is good emotion. If there is such a thing. Today I'm amazed at my child and my husband. Amazed that they are mine. Amazed that they love me. Amazed that my husband can walk in the door at lunch while I'm covered in icing (from icing his cupcakes) and smile that knee weakening smile and say, "You are so adorable". What?!! Oh just take me now!!! lol

When my child comes in and begs to lick the icing from the mixer it just makes me think of when she was so tiny and I never imagined her walking into the kitchen and asking for anything! She's beginning to be one of my best friends. Laughing with her is so special to me. When she gets that big toothy grin of hers and her nose scrunches. Then she puts her forehead against mine and we laugh together in a way I never imagined when she was so tiny! She dances with me and sings with me and we color together. This bond that I have with this tiny person... I just never knew it would be so wonderful!

Looking at pictures also brings emotions so strong that I can't put them into words. I know, I'm pathetic. But I can't help it. It kills me that I have two wonderful families, neither perfect, but both perfect for me. That's not what kills me. I think of them being so far apart from each other and me having to choose which one I will be closer to. Being here kills me. I miss the Hansen's. I really really do. Jordan's mother is my mother, his sisters are my sisters and the same for his brothers. (Though I only really know one.) When we go out there I'll miss my mother and sisters and brothers. There will always be a part of my heart in Idaho and a part in Illinois.

God blessed me with this crazy emotional personality. I'm okay with that. I'm learning to keep the emotions in check and to let them come out at appropriate times. That's a really hard thing to do. When it comes to emotions I'm a world away from how I used to handle them... even just a few months ago. No, I'm not perfect at it, not yet. :) I'm getting there. But I do love all of this feeling that I have. All of this love that I have. Cheesy maybe, but true. Running from my emotions will never work for me... so I won't do that. But these "good emotion days" really do work for me.

Shoes Like You

Sweet Daughter,

Why do you wear my shoes?

Because Mommy,

They're pretty and high and shiny too!

In them I clap around just like you do!

My child,

Why must you throw my clothes about?

Because Mommy,

Feel them! They're oh so soft and silky and fun!

How oh so yummy they smell!!!

Oh Cute Baby,

Are you really going through my makeup bag?

Look Mommy,

Do I look pretty? Just like you?

I've seen you do it!

I want to do it too!

Dear Child,

Please Don't! Not My jewelry!

So organized and perfect!

Oh Mommy,

I feel so big and gorgeous!

With flowers, beads, and sparkles all over.

Smell me! I have on your perfume!

Tell me I'm pretty Mommy

Sweet Child,

You are so pretty

But...*sigh*

Why Must You Wear My Shoes?

Because Mommy...

.... I want to be just like you!!!

PiCtUrEs of YoU

bath tub craziness.
Kourtney and cousin Loghan.
I took pics of my parents... they didn't like them. whatever. I do.
We still have those shirts! That excites me!!!
We miss you folks!!!
Alan and Doris took this of course.
My birthday 2008.
See... My family accepts this side of me. I've never been afraid to show it.
Jordan fits in well. The crazy one is my brother.

I know that these are really extremely random and most of them aren't recent but I love it!!!

So PRettY

Kourtney won't stop coloring on herself.

Her favorite song is "single ladies" she shakes her booty every time it's on. and she begs for us to turn it on. :)

Jordan is going to shoot a scene for a movie tonight. Not his movie, not yet.

I'll miss him. We've barely seen each other this week.

I'm happy that he gets to go work on this though.

Jordan's party is going to rock. I'm almost done with the preparations (until the day of that is)

I am very lucky to have someone as wonderful as him.

I'm obsessed with the time period of Henry VIII to the Elizabethan Era right now.

History... I love it!!!

I'm slacking in my scripture study. oops

Kourtney loves for me to hold her lately.

She hates eating (she doesn't get that from her mother)

We miss the crazy Hansen's.

I'm in my pajamas and it's only 7:30... and I've been in them since six.

I have a good excuse... I got a hold of gluten today. My body feels as if it's crashed.

It seems the longer you're on this diet and the more strict that you are with it the sicker you become when you get a little drop of something!

DARN!

Jordan and I slow danced in the kitchen while I sang to him. Cheesy... I know... but it was sweet.

I love that he loves my singing. I'm not the best of the best but I really do have a passion for it.

Lately, I don't want to be around anyone but my husband and my baby. That's okay for me.

I just wanna chillax :)

I like chocolate.

I love being random.

And I love that people like my randomness

Work

I started work today. It was so hard to be away from home. Oh goodness. I hope that I can do this.

The day felt very productive though. I missed Jordan and Kourtney soooooo much! At lunch I ran out the door (forgetting to clock out lol) and rushed home to find an empty house :( sadness. Jordan and Kourtney got home right after I left to go back to work... more sadness :(

I did get a chance to see them before my shift was over though... it wasn't a happy reason... but I was happy to see them.

My feet kill... My back is dying! and my head hurts.

oh well... I need to work and I need it I think.

Anyhoo

I'M EVEN SO TIRED THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!

you know i'm exhausted when I'm at a loss for words lol.

So my sister is having a baby girl.

My other sister is having twin boys.

And I'm happy that I'm NOT pregnant.

Jordan wants to take me on a honeymoon.

He rocks my socks.

Kourtney likes to color on the walls....

When she is told no.... she just colors on herself.

Then she comes to us and points to her body art and says pieey (pretty) we can't help but smile and say yes pretty!

I came home to a clean house today. My husband rocks and it took a huge load off of my back!

I miss Jordan. I left a 9 am and got home at 5 pm. He left at 4 pm. :(

Really though... I am happy to be working. I'm just in the transition stage and that's always hard.

Kourtney gives me lots of kisses and hugs when I get home! It's good to be missed :)

BuRn bAbY

Sunburns make me feel like I have a cold.

I look like a raccoon right now.

My mom made me gluten free chocolate zucchini bread last night.

I felt special and loved.

Kourtney has a favorite pair of pajamas.

She wants to wear them every night. I have to hide them when they need washed.

Kourtney has peed on the potty five times.

Now that she's done that she's uninterested in the potty for now. so funny.

Jordan is creating a zoo in our house.

He found a frog at the creek... he brought it home.

He found a caterpillar on the floor... he caged it.

We have (in our fish tank) two shrimp, two neon glo fish, three of some other kind of fish, another frog, a sucker fish... and that might be it.

He takes care of them so I could care less.

Kourtney gallops on her play horse.

She says one or two new words everyday. It's pretty hard to keep up with.

She likes to play by herself. She shuts herself in the closet and says, "Bye!".

Jordan is sick of me making pancakes.

In my defense... they're easy and cheap and I like them!!!

Jordan's birthday is coming up and his party is going to ROCK!!!

Life is hard to keep up with. Sometimes it's wonderful and sometimes I just would rather sleep through it. Jordan and Kourtney are wonderful. Jordan makes me laugh when I don't think that I can. Kourtney teaches me when I didn't realize I needed to learn a lesson. We have fun together. But sometimes... it's time for a break. That's when Angie comes in and rescues me. I have wonderful people in my life. I'm grateful for them (even the unmentioned ones) all.